


Action

by EmilyWeaslette



Series: Peter Parker and the Internet [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Action, Adoption, Blindfolds, Chloe the cat - Freeform, Crying, Cupcakes, Dead May Parker (Spider-Man), Family Fluff, Fluff, Gender Reveal, Halloween, Heart Attack, I REGRET NOTHING, I gave Peter another pet you guys, I saw this on YouTube and liked it, It's Tony's fault, Makeup, May Parker (Spider-Man) Dies, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Passing Out, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter and Tony make a youtube channel, Peter gets a puppy, Peter is a complete dumbass, Peter is also stupid, Peter's 16th birthday, Peter's allergic to peppermint, Peter's crying, Pranks, Precious Peter Parker, Smoothie Challenge, So Peter and Tony are doing it, Some angst, Sorry Not Sorry, THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED, They're all idiots and I love them, This is literally just crack, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Tony adopts Peter, Tony is stupid, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Wedding Dress, Wedding Preparations, With a touch of angst here and there, YouTube, and Natasha is the only one who uses it, and fluff, and it's sad, and peter's a spider, baby stark gender reveal, because i can't have Peter call Tony anything that doesn't start with 'mr.', because i can't write without angst, because obviously, because that would be weird, blindfolded makeup challenge, bridesmaids and groomsmen and flowers - oh my!, but he ate one anyway, but he didn't mean to, but it's fine bc we all love him, don't mind that, don't worry he's fine, don't worry it's not much and not for a long time, eat it or wear it challenge, everyone is Tony, except Bucky, except not yet, gross cupcake challenge, gummy vs real challenge, he still calls him Mr. Stark, he's gonna call him 'Mr. Dad', he's not gonna call him dad you guys, i can't write without at least some angst, i love my idiots, it was to save Tony's proposal, it's disgusting, it's hilarious, just me being stupid, lady the amazing puppy, let's be real he deserves it, proposal, sardines, sardines in stark tower, spiders don't like peppermint, the team has one braincell, these two are so stupid, they don't realize how much they care about each other, total and complete dumbasses, who's Pepper
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2020-05-16 18:22:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 34,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19323589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyWeaslette/pseuds/EmilyWeaslette
Summary: Peter stepping into the limelight, as seen through videos.





	1. News

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Play](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16116290) by [losingmymindtonight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/losingmymindtonight/pseuds/losingmymindtonight). 



> We're just gonna say that the Avenger's came back and were pardoned after Civil War. And Infinity War and Endgame never happened, because I'm still in post-Endgame denial.  
> Also, the timeline with birthdays and christmas and crap - which will show up eventually - is totally screwy, so don't pay too much attention to that because I know everything is wrong and Tony's birthday should not be one chapter away from Christmas but that's how it's gonna be, so just ignore everything that's wrong and enjoy the videos.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The identity of the teenager that has captured Tony Stark's attention has been revealed."

The video opens to two people sitting in a news room. One a male, the other female. They are sitting at a desk, with many screens behind them showing various news clips, but without sound. 

"Alright, welcome back New York City!" the man says. "My name is James," 

"And I'm Sarah," the woman adds. "As most of you know, the billionaire Tony Stark has been seen around the city with a mysterious teenage boy. All photos taken of the two have been unable to capture this boy's face, keeping his identity a secret. But earlier today, an anonymous employee from Stark Industries released some previously confidential information. The identity of the teenager that has captured Tony Stark's attention has been revealed." 

"That's right," James nods. "Sixteen-year-old Peter Parker somehow secured a position as Tony Stark's personal intern, spending most afternoons after school at Stark Tower with Stark, his fiancee Pepper Potts, and various members of the Avenger's Team. Parker's relationship with Stark, however, quickly progressed past that of mentor/mentee, and has become more of a father/son relationship. The pair have been seen in many restaurants together, often accompanied by Ms Potts. The employee added that Mr. Parker has become very close with the rest of the team, as well, spending time in the labs with Dr. Bruce Banner, the training rooms with Natasha Romanoff and Steve Rogers, and likes to pull pranks on the rest of Stark Industries with Clint Barton."

"No one from Stark Industries or the Avengers has yet to make any comment," Sarah continues. "We are still waiting to hear more. That is all the information we have on that today. We will share more as more comes to light." 

{cut} 


	2. Eat It or Wear It

The video opens with Tony and Peter standing behind a counter. They are apparently in Tony's kitchen, on the penthouse level of Stark Industries. There are several numbered bags lined up in rows around them, as well as a bowl full of slips of paper. 

"Hey, guys!" Peter says excitedly. "My name is Peter Parker, and this is Mr. Stark," 

"Kid," Tony interrupts, rolling his eyes. "Mr. Stark? Really?" 

"What else am I supposed to call you?" 

"Hm, I dunno, Peter. Why not, maybe, Tony? As I've told you a dozen times?" 

"Why would I do that?" 

" _Peter-"_

{cut} 

"Anyway, guys, now that my identity has been leaked onto the internet, we thought it would be fun to make this YouTube channel!" Peter says. 

" _Peter_ thought it would be fun." Tony says. "Just making that clear. This is entirely Peter's idea." 

"Come on, Mr. Stark, you know it's going to be fun." 

"Do I?" 

{cut}

"So, I really don't know how I convinced Mr. Stark to do this, but for our first video, we're going to be doing the Eat It or Wear It challenge," Peter picks up as though the cut had never happened. "So we've got ten food items here. Five are good, and five are bad. We don't actually know what they are, because we got Natasha and Clint to go pick them out for us. And, I think we should probably be a little afraid, because Clint is brutal. I wouldn't be surprised if he 'forgot' to get any good idems." 

"If he did, I'll kill him for you," Tony offers. 

"Mr. Stark, I'm not going to let you kill Clint." 

{cut}

"We numbered the bags, obviously, and we put the numbers on little slips of paper and put them in this bowl, to decide what food we get," Peter explains. "And I've got Siri to pick if we have to eat or wear the food. Eat is 1, wear is 2, and I'm just going to ask her 1 or 2, and see what we get. And we're gonna roll a die to see who goes first. Highest roll goes first. Ready, Mr. Stark?" 

"As I'll ever be," Tony says, and rolls the die. 

"So Mr. Stark rolled a four," Peter informs the camera. "So I've got to roll either a five or a six to win." 

"I think they know how numbers work, Pete." 

{cut}

Peter rolls the die. He watches it bounce around on the counter, before coming to a stop. Slowly, he stands up to look at it, and begins cheering. 

"A six! I win, Mr. Stark!" 

"Yeah, yeah, just pick a number, Peter." Tony sounds amused. 

Peter closes his eyes and sticks his hand into the bowl of paper. When he withdraws it, he unfolds it and shows it to the camera. "Eight. So now, we've just got to... find... the bag..." 

He stands up, checking all the bags, until Tony drops one in front of him. 

"Here," he says. 

Peter takes a deep breath, before reaching into the bag and pulling out a plate. On the plate is a white-ish, brown-ish meat. 

"Ew," Peter says, wrinkling his nose. "It's salmon." 

Tony looks at someone behind the camera. "Are you kidding me?" he asks. "We are  _both_ allergic to fish, Barton. What the hell." 

Someone, presumably Clint, is laughing behind the camera. 

"I'd better hope I get wear it, then," Peter says. "Hey, Siri?" 

His phone pings as Siri turns on. 

"One or two?" 

It's silent for a moment, before a british Woman's voice responds, "One." 

"That's eat it, Mr. Stark," Peter says solemnly. "It was nice knowing you." 

"Yeah, no way, kid," Tony says, pulling the plate away from him. Without giving Peter a chance to protest, Tony picks up the fish and smashes it onto Peter's hair. 

"Mr. Stark!" Peter whines. "You're not allowed to change what she says!" 

"I am if eating the food will  _literally kill you_ , Peter-"

{cut} 

"Alright, Mr. Stark, your turn." 

Tony rolls his eyes, before gingerly extracting a piece of paper. "Seven," he announces. 

Peter glances through a few bags, and plops a bag with the number 7 on it in front of Tony. "There you go!" 

"Thanks," Tony rolls his eyes again. He opens the top of the bag, glances inside, and immediately closes it again. "No way. Absolutely not." 

Clint is laughing again. 

"Come on, Mr. Stark, what is it?" Peter asks. 

Tony opens the bag and tips it upside down. A bowl falls onto its head, along with a few pieces of steamed broccoli. 

"There is no possible way I am eating that," Tony warns Peter.

"Then you'd better hope you get wear it!" Peter says cheerfully, opening his phone. "Hey Siri, one or two?" 

"One," Siri responds. 

"No." Tony folds his arms stubbornly. "I am not eating that." 

"Mr. Stark, come on..." 

"No!" 

{cut}

Tony is no longer sitting beside Peter. Instead, the camera faintly picks up on his voice outside of frame, but can't make out what he's saying. A soothing, female voice interjects sometimes, only to be overridden by Tony's angry tone.

"So," Peter says, looking at the camera. "Mr. Stark has decided he's going to act like a toddler and throw a fit about his stupid broccoli, so we've got Pepper in here to try to get him to eat it. It's... not going great." 

{cut}

Peter's head is resting on his hands now, and he's hunched over the counter. Tony has not returned, but Pepper's voice has changed from soft and soothing to sharp and angry. Tony's voice can't be heard this time. 

"I never thought I'd see the day that  _Tony Stark_ is throwing a fit over eating a single piece of steamed broccoli," Peter says, sounding mystified. "Honestly, my respect for this guy is just getting lower and lower as this goes on."

Peter's silent for a moment. 

"Okay, that was a lie. I still respect him very much. I'm just not going to take him at all seriously when he tells me I have to eat the brussel sprouts he makes for dinner sometimes, just because he wants to see how much of a stink I'm going to put up about it." 

{cut}

The camera is moving down a hallway. Clint's laughter can be heard again. The camera pans to show Peter sitting on the couch, watching a movie, before turning back to the hallway. 

"Pete's given up," Clint whispers. "Pepper and Tony are still going at it. I'm going to see if I can get some footage of it." 

He creeps closer to a door, and Pepper's and Tony's voices can be heard clearer now. The door is open just a crack, and the camera moves closer to it. Tony is visible sitting on the end of the bed, with Pepper standing over him. Both are obviously very angry.

"For heaven's sake, Tony, it's a  _piece of broccoli_!" 

"Clint put that in there just because he knew I wouldn't eat it! Same with the salmon!" 

"Tony, quit acting like a toddler and go put a piece of broccoli in your mouth! Peter is trying to make a fun video with you, and you are ruining it!" 

"Boss," FRIDAY's voice cuts in. "Mr. Barton is filming through the door." 

"Get out of it, Barton!" Tony snaps, throwing a pillow at the door, causing it to slam closed. Clint begins to laugh again.

{cut} 

The camera is shaky, as Peter is laying on the couch holding it above his head. 

"Mr. Stark and Pepper are  _still_ fighting about this," he says, sounding a mixture of amused and worried. "Seriously, I may have just ruined their relationship. I can't decide if this is funny, pathetic, concerning, or all three." 

"It's all three," Natasha's voice cuts in from out of frame. 

"Well, you heard it from Natasha," Peter says, shrugging as best he can in his current position. "Mr. Stark is being hilarious, pathetic, and concerning at the same time." 

"He usually is," A new voice enters. Peter shifts the camera to see Steve walking through the kitchen, grabbing an apple, and walking back out. 

"Okay, then," Peter says, turning the camera back to himself. "We'll get back to this if Mr. Stark ever decides to come back." 

{cut}

Peter and Tony are both back at the kitchen counter. 

"Well, after that long and rather concerning ordeal, Mr. Stark has finally decided he  _will_ eat the piece of broccoli! We should give him a round of applause for his courage and sacrifice." Peter claps over-dramatically. 

"Oh, be quiet," Tony says. He picks up a piece of broccoli, gives it a dirty look, and shoves it in his mouth. He shudders dramatically as he swallows, before immediately gulping down as much water as he can.               

"Well done, Mr. Stark," Peter says solemnly. "I bet that was very difficult for you." 

"**** off, Parker," Tony tries to say angrily, but there's no real malice in his tone. "Pick a number." 

"Mr. Stark, you can't swear!" Peter gasps, scandalized, as he reaches into the bowl. "I'll have to bleep them out!" 

"Yeah, yeah," Tony rolls his eyes. "Would you just pick a paper?" 

Peter dramatically yanks a paper out of the bowl, and unfolds it. "Three." 

Clint starts laughing from behind the camera again, before the bag is even found. Peter immediately looks worried. 

"So, Clint's laughing, which really freaks me out a little..." he says slowly. "Oh, here's the bag. Let's see...?" 

He reaches into the bag, and pulls out three egss. 

"Eggs?" he looks behind the camera. "They're cooked right?" 

"No," Clint's voice is shaky with laughter. "They're not." 

"Barton!" Tony exclaims. "Are you  _trying_ to kill him?" 

"I'm not going to die, Mr. Stark, people eat raw eggs all the time," Peter shrugs. "Siri, one or two?" 

A beat of silence, and then- "Two." 

Peter's face falls, as Tony begins laughing his head off. 

{cut}

"Alrighty, here we go," Tony says cheerfully, before smashing the eggs over Peter's head one at a time. Peter began shrieking. 

"Oh my god! Oh my  _god_ , Mr. Stark, they're so  _cold_ -"

{cut}

Peter is pouting, his hair crusty with dried egg, as Tony reaches into the bowl to pull out a number. 

"Nine," he announces, immediately picking up the bag next to him. "Oh, it's heavy... ew." 

Tony lifts a jar of pickled pigs feet, so the camera can see it. 

"That's... disgusting," Peter says, looking behind the camera. "Do people actually eat that?" 

"Yeah, it's pretty popular in other parts of the world," Natasha's voice says from behind the camera. "Don't ask me why, it's nasty."

"Hey Siri, one or two?" 

"One." 

Tony makes a face, but takes the fork Natasha hands him, opens the jar, and takes a bite. "Bleh. That's disgusting." 

"Are you kidding me?" Peter exclaims. "A piece of broccoli is out of the question, but a  _pickled pig's foot_ is fine?" 

Tony deadpans at Peter. "Would you rather I made a big deal out of it."

"No, I guess not..." Peter shrugs. "Its just weird is all." 

{cut} 

"One," Peter says, picking up a bag. "I swear, we haven't gotten anything good so far, and it's a bit ridiculous. I'm starting to think that I may have been right when I said Clint forgot to put anything good in here." 

"Incorrect," Tony says, lifting something out of the bag. "This one's pie." 

"Oh, yes, it's cherry pie!" Peter cheers. "My favorite! Hey Siri, one or two?" 

"One." 

"Eat it!" Peter's shouting now. "Yes!" 

He takes a spoon from Clint, and scoops out a huge spoonfull of the pie and crams it into his mouth. 

"Kid!" Tony exclaims. "Bites, kid, you're going to choke!" 

"I am not going to choke, Mr. Stark," Peter tries to say, but it comes out sounding more like, "I nah gowa choke, Mirrah Har." 

Tony rolls his eyes. 

{cut}

"That was so good," Peter says. "Your turn, Mr. Stark." 

"Two," Tony shows Peter the paper. 

"Here it is!" Peter says cheerfully, depositing the bag in front of him. 

Tony opens the bag, and wrinkles his nose. "It's a soggy bowl of Lucky Charms. There's no good outcome." 

"Yeah, well..." Peter shrugs. "Hey Siri, one or two?" 

"Two." 

Peter begins laughing. "Wear it, Mr. Stark! What is your luck?" 

"I hate this game," Tony deadpans, before Peter dumps the entire bowl over his head, causing him to flinch dramatically. " _Jesus_ , Parker!"

{cut}

Tony is staring blankly at the camera, milk and a soggy marshmallow slowly dripping down his face. Peter suddenly appears from out of frame, handing him a towel.

"That's for the counter, Mr. Stark," he says. "You're not allowed to clean it out of your hair until the video is over." 

"Yeah, yeah, you've told me the rules," Tony grumbles, grabbing the towel and wiping down the counter. "I have  _no_ idea how you managed to talk me into this-"

{cut}

The counter is clean now, and Tony is a little less... damp. Peter plucks a paper from the bowl. 

"Five," he announces, grabbing the bag and turning it upside down. A jar of mayonnaise falls out with a thud. "Ew." 

"Hey Siri, one or two?" Tony asks. 

"Two," Siri responds. 

"Gross," Peter sighs, as Tony opens the jar and upends it over Peter's head. He immediately begins shrieking. "Why is everything so  _cold-!_ "

{cut}

"Six," Tony says, grabbing the bag. "Which is chocolate milk. I swear, if I get-"

"Two," Siri's voice cuts him off. Peter had whispered the question to her while Tony was talking. 

"Are you ******* kidding me?" Tony throws his hands up. "This game is rigged. Rigged, I tell you!" 

"Mr. Stark, you can't swear!"

{cut}

Peter dumps the entire gallon of chocolate milk over Tony's head, who sits there with his eyes closed, a deadpan expression on his face, as it runs down his face. 

"This is the worst idea you've ever had," he declares. "The worst idea  _anyone_ has ever had." 

"Really?" Peter asks sarcastically. "What about that time you-

{cut}

"So this is the last one," Peter says, dramatically stirring the two papers left in the bowl. "Ten." 

"You've got chocolate cake," Tony informs him, handing him the bag. "And if you get eat it-"

"Hey Siri, one or two?" 

"One." 

"Ha!" Peter laughs. "Eat it! Take  _that_ , Mr. Stark!" 

"You're a menace," Tony rolls his eyes. "Just eat your ******* cake." 

" _Language_ , Mr. Stark!" 

"Did you just-?"

{cut}

"That was the best cake in the world," Peter informs the camera. "Who made it?" 

"Bucky did," Clint's voice responds. "He's famous for being the best baker on the team." 

"He's the only one who knows how to cook," Natasha counters. "Except for me." 

"Shush, you two," Tony says. "It's my turn." 

He grabs the last bag, and pulls out a bowl of raspberries. "Ooh, I love raspberries!" 

"Hey Siri, one or two?" Peter asks. 

"Two," Siri says. 

Tony looks at the camera with the most 'done' expression ever. 

"Sorry, Mr. Stark," Peter says, as he smears raspberries into his hair. "At least we're done?" 

"Yeah, sure," Tony glares at him, but the glare has no real heat in it. "Have fun cleaning this up."

"Mr.  _Stark-_ "

{cut} 

They're both clean now, and so is the kitchen. Peter smiles at the camera. 

"So that was fun, right Mr. Stark?" 

Tony shrugs. "It would have been better if my luck wasn't ****." 

"Mr. Stark, how many times to I have to tell you not to swear?" 

"At least one more, kid." 

{cut}

"So, that's it for this video, which took literally all day to film, so I hope you enjoyed it!" Peter says cheerfully. "Like and subscribe if you want to see more of... this." 

"That's all you got?" Tony asks incredulously. "'Subscribe if you want to see more of... this'?" 

"Don't mock me, Mr. Stark."

{cut}

"Anyway, that's it! See you guys next time!"

"Adios, muchachos." 

"Mr.  _Stark_!" 

{cut}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So, I don't want to be 'that person' but could you all please go check out my Instagram and Twitter, because some later chapters will have some interaction stuff that'll be happening on there. Thank you guys, love you all so much! 
> 
> Instagram: emilyweaslette  
> Twitter: @lessEmilyplease


	3. Sardines in Stark Tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly how it sounds!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, finally updated! I've got half of the next chapter written, so stay tuned for that!
> 
> Also, if you all wouldn't mind, would you go find and follow my Instagram and Twitter? I'm going to be posting things about this series on there, and some of it is interactive with all of you! Please? 
> 
> Instagram: emilyweaslette  
> Twitter: @lessEmilyplease
> 
> Also, on Twitter I post some random crap, so... some if it's funny? I think?

The video opens to the entire team, except for Thor and Vision, squished onto one couch. Natasha and Clint are sitting on the floor in front of it. Peter is in the middle. 

 

“Hey guys!” Peter exclaims. “For my second video on this channel, I thought I’d get the rest of the team in on it! Everyone say hello to Steve, Bucky, Bruce, Rhodey, Wanda, Mr. Stark, Clint, Nat, Scott, and Sam. Plus my two friends, Ned and MJ. Everyone say hi!”

 

A loud chorus of ‘hello’ echoes throughout the room. 

 

“Thor and Vision couldn’t be here because Thor is fighting his evil sister in Asgard and Vision said it sounded stupid, so they’re not here, but everyone else is,” Peter explains. “Anyway, we decided that for our first team video, we’d play Sardines throughout Stark Tower! In case you don’t know, how this works is one person hides while everyone else counts to 2 minutes, and then everyone else tries to find them. When you find the person and/or people that are hiding, you hide with them. Everyone got it?” 

 

Everyone nods. 

 

“Okay, so, since there’s so many of us, we’re only going to have twp people hide, because otherwise this video would be hours long,” Peter says. “We’ve decided that I’m going to hide first, then Clint. Everyone ready?” 

 

Nods again. 

 

“Alright. You all stay here, I’m going to go hide. Start the timer… now!” 

 

Peter grabs another camera and sprints out of frame, as Tony tells Friday to start a timer for 2 minutes. 

 

{cut}

 

“Okay, guys,” Peter says, still running through the tower. “I’m heading down to level 12, because I’m going to hide in the vents and that’s the floor that has easiest access to them. It’s a little risky… Clint really likes to hide out in, and travel through, the vents, so there’s a chance he’ll find me super fast, but I don’t think anyone else will… we already told Wanda she’s not allowed to read anyone’s minds to find out where they are, not that I think she would, but Nat… probably already knows where I’m going, she’s just super smart like that, being a spy-assasin and all…”

 

{cut} 

 

“So, where do you all think he’s going to hide?” Ned says, attempting to end the awkward silence. 

 

“I know exactly where he’s going,” Nat says, cleaning under her nails as she talks. “And I’m not about to tell you people.” 

 

“Mr. Steve Rogers Captain America Sir?” Ned says timidly. “Do you have any ideas?”

 

“Just Steve, kid,” Steve says kindly. “Um… not really, no. I think he’ll have stayed on this floor, though.”

 

“There’s no way he stayed on this floor,” MJ says confidently. “He’ll have picked the most random floor that’s also the most obvious, and he’ll be in a spot that’s also completely obvious but nobody except for Nat and Clint will find him for ages.”

 

Everyone stares at her for a moment.

 

“I like her,” Clint finally breaks the silence.

 

{cut}

 

It’s dark enough that a rough outline of Peter is barely visible. 

 

“Sorry if you all can’t see me,” he whispers. “I’m in the vents now, which is perfect timing because the two minutes should be up right about now.”

 

{cut}

 

“That’s time!” Tony shouts. “It’s every person for themselves!” 

 

The team scatters.

 

{cut}

 

“Jesus, they’re loud,” Peter whispers, barely audible over the sounds of shouting and stomping coming from above. “It’s probably just because I’m in the vents, it’s pretty echoy in here.” 

 

{cut}

 

“So,” Nat says, as she casually walks through the hall. “I’m heading down to the 12th floor. Peter hid in the vents, and that’s the floor that has the easiest access to them. And he’ll be right by the opening, because Peter’s not a fan of being in dark, enclosed spaces when he can’t see the way out, so he’ll have stayed put just barely after he got in.”

 

{cut}

 

“I’m right by the opening,” Peter whispers. “Because I’m not a fan of being in dark, enclosed spaces without being able to see the way out. This way, I can see what’s going on beneath me, but nobody can see me. It’s pretty foolproof - ****.” 

 

The camera turns to see Natasha entering the room, walking straight towards the vent, the camera aimed directly at Peter. 

 

“Hey, Pete, you might want to back up a bit, I’m coming in,” she says, climbing onto the desk immediately under the opening and hoisting herself up onto a shelf. 

 

Peter shuffles backwards as she opens the vent and climbs in.

 

“How’d you find me so fast?” he whispers. 

 

“It was pretty obvious,” she whispers back. 

 

“Only to you,” Peter grumbles. 

 

{cut}

 

Another camera is being pushed through the vents, followed by a grunt and slightly heavier than normal breathing. 

 

“I hate the vents on floor 12,” Clint mutters. “They’re so much smaller than all the other ones. Obviously, I’m travelling through the vents to get to Peter, who, also obviously, is by the opening in conference room 13c. I’m gonna try to scare him.” 

 

The camera rounds a corner and focuses on Nat and Peter, whispering to each other.

 

{cut}

 

“Can you hear that?” Peter whispers. 

 

“What?” Nat asks. 

 

“That scraping sound,” Peter sounds vaguely terrified. “Like there’s something-”

 

“Argh!” Clint yells from directly behind Peter. 

 

Peter lets out a very high-pitched scream. 

 

{cut}

 

Tony’s frozen, the camera pointing up at him, as Peter’s scream echos throughout the room. The camera turns to see Steve at the other end of the hallway, also stopped, and then pans to a doorway, where MJ emerges, rolling her eyes. 

 

“Of course,” Tony mutters, beginning walking briskly. “The vents down on floor 12. Pete loves hanging out up there, trying to scare me. Damn, I’m stupid.” 

 

{cut}

 

“Clint, you idiot!” Peter whispers furiously. “Now everybody’s going to find me!” 

 

“I’m sorry,” Clint gasps around his laughter. “I didn’t know you’d scream so  _ loud _ !” 

 

“Clint, that’s just rude,” Natasha says. “You had to go freak him out.” 

 

“Look!” Peter snaps, turning the camera to point out the opening. “They’ve all found me now!” 

 

Tony, Steve, MJ, and Bruce enter the room together, followed closely by Bucky and Sam, who are bickering loudly, then Rhodey, Wanda, Scott, and Ned. 

 

{cut}

 

“Alright, Pete,” Tony shouts, pointing the camera to the opening. “We all know that you, Nat, and Clint are in there, so if you could come out so we don’t all have to climb up there, that would be great.” 

 

Silence for a moment, then - 

 

The cover to the opening falls off with a crash, and Peter emerges, dropping to the floor with surprising grace and agility, followed by Nat, who is somehow even more graceful, and Clint, who falls on his face. 

 

“That was  _ not _ fair,” Peter declares, walking towards the group. “None of you would have ever found me if Clint didn’t sneak up on me!” 

 

“Hey, it’s not my fault you screamed so loud,” Clint shrugs. 

 

“Oh, shut up,” Peter snaps. “Just go hide already.” 

 

Clint leaves the room, laughing, as Peter sits down on the floor. 

 

“Come on, Peter,” Ned sits down next to him. “Just prank him or something, get him back.” 

Peter rolls his eyes. “Yeah, sure.” 

 

{cut}

 

Clint is hurrying up a stairwell. 

 

“I’m heading up to what they call my ‘nest’,” he says. “Which nobody will think to check, because its such an obvious place and none of them would think I’m that stupid.” 

 

{cut}

 

“So he’s definitely going up to his nest,” Peter declares. “Because it’s such an obvious place and he’s definitely stupid enough to think we’d never think to check there.” 

 

“He’s probably right,” Wanda shrugs. “It’s a very likely place.” 

 

“We should all just go together,” Ned suggests excitedly. “He’ll be so annoyed that we all found him after about thirty seconds.” 

 

There’s a chorus of laughter. 

 

{cut}

 

“Alright, so I’m in my nest,” Clint says, settling in a pile of blankets. It’s on the common floor, in the living room, up in a corner of the ceiling. They insisted on putting in a ladder, so they could get me in case I fall asleep in here, which I’m not ashamed to say has happened before. So… yeah, we’ll see how long it takes them.”

 

{cut}

 

“That’s time,” Scott declares. “Up we go.” 

 

The group begins walking together. It’s impossible to tell who’s filming. 

 

{cut}

 

Peter’s filming himself as he climbs a ladder. He holds a finger to his lips, turns the camera around to see everyone else gathered below him, and then jump over the edge of the nest, landing right on top of Clint, who screams and sits bolt upright.

 

“We all found you,” Peter announces. “Everyone else is down there.”

 

“How the hell did you do that so quickly?” Clint demands. 

 

“We all decided before we even left,” Nat shouts up. “That this was definitely exactly where you’d go. Pete came up with it first.” 

 

“I hate you all,” Clint grumbles. 

 

The group begins laughing.

{cut}

 

Everyone is gathered back on the same couch they started in, except Scott and Sam are not there anymore.

 

“Alright, we lost Scott, and Sam and Bucky are duelling in the lobby,” Peter begins. “So they’re not here for the outtro. But anyway, I hope you enjoyed this video! It was super fun to film and everything. Like and subscribe if you want to see more of… this.” 

 

“Seriously, kid?” Tony asks incredulously. 

 

“Yes, Mr. Stark!” Peter says enthusiastically. “It’s our branding! Our outtro. What we say at the end of every video.” 

 

Tony pinches the bridge of his nose. “Wonderful.” 

 

{cut} 

 

Sam runs past the camera, a jousting stick tucked under one arm and two broomstick horses held aloft by the reigns with the other. 

 

“I won!” he shrieks, as he sprints past. “I won!” 

 

Bucky follows closely, another jousting stick held straight out in front of him with his metal arm, which appears to be stuck. 

 

“No you didn’t, you filthy cheater!” he bellows. “No you  _ did not _ !” 

 

{cut}

 


	4. Gummy vs Real

The video opens to Peter and Tony sitting at the kitchen table.

 

“You ready, Mr. Stark?” Peter asks.

 

“What are we even doing today, Peter?” Tony asks exasperatedly. 

 

“I’ve told you  _ three times- _ ”

 

{cut}

 

“Hello, everyone!” Peter waves cheerfully at the camera. “Welcome back to the Ironfam, and today I’m here with -”

 

“Wait,  _ what _ ?” Tony asks. “Welcome back to the  _ what _ ?” 

 

“The Ironfam, Mr. Stark,” Peter looks at Tony. “It’s our channel name. And it’s what I call the viewers. The Ironfam.” 

 

“That’s ridiculous, Peter.” 

 

“It’s  _ fantastic _ , Mr. Stark.” 

 

{cut}

 

“Hello, everyone!” Peter waves cheerfully at the camera. “Welcome back to the Ironfam! Sorry, I had to explain branding to Mr. Stark, which is weird because you’d think he’d know all about that, what with owning his own company and all -”

 

“ _ Peter _ .” 

 

{cut}

 

“Today I am here with Mr. Stark again, and we are doing the Gummy vs Real challenge!” Peter exclaims, acting as though the cut had never happened. “In case any of you don’t know how this works, I’ve got my friends Ned and MJ to go find gummy foods, and then their real food equivalents. They’re going to give them to me and Mr. Stark one at a time, on a covered plate, and whichever one we get, we have to eat! It sounds pretty simple, but I’m sure we’re going to leave this challenge traumatized.”

 

“Oh, joy,” Tony says sarcastically. “How you get me to do these things, kid, I don’t know.”

 

“You love me, Mr. Stark.” 

 

“Yeah, I do.” 

 

{cut}

 

MJ appears on screen, setting a plate in front of both Peter and Tony. 

 

“On the count of three, we reveal them, okay?” Peter says. 

 

“Sure, kid.” 

 

“One… two…  _ three. _ ”

 

With a flourish, Peter and Tony both yank the cover off the plate, revealing - 

 

“Donuts!” Peter cheers. 

 

“I’m assuming that you’ve got the real one, as mine looks like it’s made of plastic,” Tony says. 

 

“Obviously, Mr. Stark.” 

 

“Don’t sass me, kid.” 

 

{cut} 

 

Peter takes a giant bite out of his donut. “Mmm. I love donuts.” 

 

“I know, kid,” Tony says, gingerly picking up his. He tries to take a small bite out of the side, but his teeth won’t go through it. “How the **** am I supposed to eat this thing?” 

 

“Mr. Stark, if you can’t stop swearing, I’ll have to kick you off the channel.” Peter says solemnly. “And just… bite and yank, I guess.” 

 

“You’d never kick me off,” Tony says confidently. “Okay, here goes.” He grabs a massive mouthful of the gummy candy, and yanks as hard as he can. The donut stretches, and stretches, and finally snaps. Tony chews it with an odd look on his face. 

 

“Well?” Peter asks. “What do you think?” 

 

“It’s…” Tony makes a face. “Disgusting. Why the hell do you eat gummy worms so much? This is nasty.” 

 

Peter gasps. “How dare you? Gummy candies are the most superior candy in the world.” 

 

“I’m shocked this industry hasn’t gone out of business.” 

 

{cut}

 

Ned puts the plates down this time. Tony doesn’t wait for Peter’s countoff to pull the cover off. 

 

“A pickle?” he asks skeptically, as Peter takes his cover off. “They make gummy pickles?” 

 

“Apparently,” Peter shrugs. “I’ve never tried this before.” 

 

“Well, that’s a relief,” Tony says sarcastically, picking up his pickle and biting off the end. “This isn’t even a good kind of pickle.” 

 

“How many kinds of pickles are there, Mr. Stark?” 

 

{cut}

 

Peter yanks the end of his gummy pickle off with his teeth, and chews it slowly. 

 

“Ew,” he finally says, making a face. “It tastes like someone tried to make this taste like a pickle, but they’d never actually eaten a pickle before and only had a mediocre description of what a pickle tastes like as their frame of reference.”

 

“That’s… oddly specific,” Tony says, picking up the gummy pickle and taking a bite. “And spot-on. That’s… so weird.” 

 

Peter puts the cover back on the plate and pushes it away from him. “Next, please.” 

 

{cut}

 

“One, two, three!” Peter dramatically lifts the cover off, only to fumble with it and drop it behind him. 

 

“Smooth, Pete,” Tony snorts, setting his cover to the side of his plate. 

 

“Yeah, whatever,” Peter shrugs. “Just ignore that. Anyway, we seem to have… a pepper?”

 

Tony picks up his bell pepper and examines it, a distasteful look on his face. “Can you even eat these raw?” 

 

“Yes, Mr. Stark, you can,” Peter rolls his eyes. “I didn’t know they made gummy ones of these, either.” 

 

Tony shrugs, and takes a bite out of his like an apple. “Huh,” he says. “It’s not bad.” 

 

“Is it spicy?” Peter asks. 

 

“Not really,” Tony says. “If you put a little ranch with it, this could actually be good. Who knew?” 

 

“That’s disgusting, Mr. Stark,” Peter says, picking up his and taking a giant bite. “Hm…” he says. “It’s… kind of sweet. There’s a hint of…” he freezes for a moment, before his jaw drops and he immediately spits his mouthful of gummy pepper back onto the plate. “Oh my god! Oh my  _ god _ , that’s  _ spicy _ !” 

 

Tony begins laughing, as Peter shoves away from the table and walks runs out of frame.

 

“Where are you going?” MJ’s voice asks. ‘

 

“I need  _ milk _ !” Peter shrieks. “My mouth is on  _ fire _ , I’m  _ dying _ -”

 

{cut}

 

Peter is back in his seat, a half-empty glass of milk in his hands. 

 

“That was horrifying,” he declares, taking a long drink and setting the cup down. “I was not expecting that to be spicy, and it  _ was _ . That was awful.” 

 

“Are you ready to move on now?” Tony asks, still laughing. 

 

Peter glares at him. “Fine.”

 

{cut}

 

The cover doesn’t adequately hide the pizza box being placed in front of Tony. 

 

“Well, I guess we know who got what,” Peter says. 

 

As Tony opens the pizza box, Peter removes the cover. 

 

Peter gasps. “They lied to us, Mr. Stark!” 

 

Sitting underneath the cover is a piece of completely ordinary pizza, while inside the pizza box is an entire gummy pizza. Tony laughs lightly, picking up the pizza and taking a bite out of the side. 

 

“Hm,” he contemplates for a moment. “Not bad.”

 

“Mr. Stark!” Peter gasps, horrified. “You can’t just take a bite out of the side like a ******* heathen, you’re supposed to  _ slice _ it.”

 

“Watch your language, Pete,” Tony says, his voice muffled by the pizza. 

 

“Oh, whatever, you never do,” Peter shrugs, picking up his own pizza and taking a bite. “Mm, that’s good pizza,” 

 

“It’s just cheese from Pizza Hut,” Tony says, raising his eyebrows at Peter. 

 

“That’s his favourite,” Ned explains from behind the camera. “That’s why he got the real one this round, because he’d be super mad if you got his favourite pizza.” 

 

“What, we’re trying to please the victims now?” MJ asks. “I personally was all for you getting that pizza, Stark.” 

 

Peter glares at her. “Thanks, MJ,” he says sarcastically. 

 

“Anytime, Loser.” 

 

{cut}

 

“One, two, three!” Peter shouts, yanking the cover off his plate. He immediately screams and drops the cover, where it lands on the floor with a loud clang.. Tony begins laughing. 

 

“Wow, your friends are brutal, Pete,” he says around his laughs. “I am so glad I’m not you right now.” 

 

Sitting on Peter’s plate is a writhing mass of live worms. Peter looks pale. 

 

“Is that edible?” he asks, looking to Ned and MJ. “Can I eat that without dying?” 

 

“Dunno, never tried it,” Ned says. “Good luck?” 

 

Tony lifts his massive gummy worm up to show the camera. “Me and Francesco wish you the best of luck, kid, he announces. 

 

“You named your gummy worm?” Peter asks, giving Tony a strange look. “That’s a little pathetic.” 

 

Tony sticks his tongue out at him. 

 

“Alright,” Peter takes a deep breath. “If I die, Mr. Stark, tell Aunt May that I always loved her more than you.” 

 

“Excuse me?” Tony asks, offended. 

 

Peter shrugs, then picks up the mass of worms and shoves the whole thing in his mouth. Ned shrieks from behind the camera, Tony gags, and even MJ can be heard gasping slightly. Peter gags, almost vomits, then swallows the whole thing. 

 

“Oh my god, Peter!” Ned exclaims. “You were  _ not _ supposed to swallow them! They’re just supposed to go in your mouth for a second, and then spit them out!” 

 

Peter shrugs. “I mean… people come to this video expecting me to eat worms. Who am I to disappoint them?”

 

“Peter, you are a  _ ******* _ idiot,” Tony declares. 

 

{cut}

 

“I would not recommend eating live worms,” Peter comments, as Ned puts two more places in front of them. “I swear, it’s like I can feel them writhing around in my stomach, begging the acids for mercy as they’re devoured alive.” 

 

“That’s sick, kid.” Tony says, lifting the cover off his plate. “What the **** is this?” 

 

“It looks like jerky,” Peter says, tilting his head curiously as he stared at Tony’s plate. “Should I uncover mine, so we can see what it is?” 

 

“No, Peter, I think we should just sit here and wonder all day,” Tony says sarcastically. “Yes, take the ******* cover off.” 

 

“Could you please stop swearing, Mr. Stark?” Peter asks. “It’s going to make editing this a real pain in the ***.” 

 

“Excuse me, you just swore,” Tony says indignantly. 

 

“Oh, *** and ***** don’t count,” Peter explains. “Only the f-word and the s-word count, because those are ‘against YouTube guidelines’ or something.”

 

Tony stares at him for a moment, before shaking his head incredulously. “Take the damn cover off, kid.” 

 

Peter removes the cover with a flourish, and bursts out laughing. “Have fun with that, Mr. Stark.”

 

Sitting on Peter’s plate is a giant gummy bear. 

 

“Is this… is this real bear?” Tony asks tentatively, picking up a piece of jerky. 

 

“Yep,” MJ says. “Bear jerky. Kind of expensive, but made out of 100% real bear.” 

 

Tony stares at her for a moment, before picking up the jerky and taking a bite out of it. “Hm,” he says thoughtfully. “Tastes just like beef jerky. Not bad.” 

 

“That’s disgusting,” Peter says idly, yanking the ear off his gummy bear. 

 

“Says the kid who just ate a pile of live worms!” Tony exclaims. “You never get to complain about my cooking again!”

 

“Just because I ate worms once doesn’t mean I want them every night for dinner, Mr. Stark.” 

 

{cut}

 

“I swear,” Tony declares. “If one more disgusting thing comes out of this challenge, I’m leaving.” 

 

“You can’t leave, Mr. Stark!” Peter exclaims. “The viewers expect you to be here!” 

 

Tony rolls his eyes. 

 

{cut}

 

“One, two,  _ three _ !” Peter exclaims, this time deliberately throwing the cover over his shoulder. “YES!” 

 

Sitting on his plate is a bottle of coke. 

“Are you ******* kidding me?” Tony drops his cover onto the ground. “They make gummy  _ soda _ , too?” 

 

“Mr. Stark, how did you not know this?” Peter asks. “I thought you were a genius. They make gummy  _ everything _ .” 

 

“Technically, that’s not true,” Ned says from behind the camera. 

 

“Well, nobody asked you,  _ Edward _ ,” Peter says. 

 

Ned gasps in horror. “How dare you use my given name?” 

 

“Shut up, loser,” MJ says. “Drink your damn coke, Peter.” 

 

“Fine, but only because I was going to anyway,” Peter says, sticking his tongue out at the camera. 

 

As Peter takes the lid off the bottle and takes a long drink of the soda, Tony yanks the top of the gummy bottle off. Immediately, his eyes go wide. 

 

“What the ****.” he says incredulously. “What. The. ****. This tastes exactly like that ******* soda.” 

 

“Mr. Stark!” Peter whines. “Bleeping!” 

 

“Oh, move on, Pete,” Tony says, still staring at the gummy. “This **** tastes exactly like soda. How did they do that? This is some weird, gelatinous, probably toxic candy, and yet, it tastes like it just came directly out of a can. This is  _ sorcery _ .” 

 

“Tony Stark geeking out over gummy soda; check.” MJ says. 

 

“What?” Peter and Tony say in unison, giving the camera a strange look. 

 

“Oh, just crossing things off my bucket list of things I want to see before I die,” MJ explains. “I didn’t know that was on it until just now, but still. Check.” 

 

“You have strange friends, kid,” Tony says, taking another bite of the gummy. 

 

“I know, Mr. Stark. I know.” 

 

{cut}

 

“Please let it be more soda,  _ please _ let it be more soda…” Peter pleads, as he removes the newest cover. It’s revealed to be a mass of red gummy. 

 

“What is that?” Tony asks, poking it. 

 

Peter suddenly bursts out laughing. “Oh, good luck, Mr. Stark. This is a gummy  _ brain _ .” 

 

“Oh my god, no way,” Tony says, his nose wrinkled in disgust as he lifts his cover off. “Is that… is that even edible? There’s no way I’m eating that.”

“Come on, Mr. Stark!” Peter says imploringly. “I ate worms!” 

 

“You did not have to do that,” Tony points out. 

 

“Yes I did,” Peter counters. “The viewers would be disappointed if I didn’t. Just as they’d be disappointed if you left right now.” 

 

Tony sighs. “Fine. For the views.” 

 

Peter laughs again as Tony picks up a fork, snags a piece of the brain, and sticks it into his mouth.

 

“You know what’s funny?” Peter comments, taking a bite out of his brain as Tony tries not to gag on his. “You put up more of a stink about broccoli than you did about brain.” 

 

“Oh, move on from the broccoli, Pete,” Tony rolls his eyes. “I’ve desensitised.”

 

“Whatever you say, Mr. Stark.” 

 

{cut}

 

Peter and Tony sit, staring forelornly into space. Peter lets out a breath. 

 

“I mean… it can’t get much worse, can it?” he asks. 

 

“It definitely can, but I appreciate the optimism.” Tony retorts.

 

{cut}

 

“Fried chicken?” Peter asks, giving the camera a questioning look. 

 

“Check Mr. Stark’s, Peter,” Ned says, sounding apologetic. “I’m afraid not.” 

 

Tony picks up one of his candies, which is a small gummy - 

 

“ _ Frog _ ?” Peter shrieks. “You gave me fried  _ frog _ ? Can you eat that?” 

 

“Well, we’re actually not sure,” Ned comments. “I mean, most people can, but as you’re both allergic to fish, there’s a possibility that you could be allergic to frog, as well-”

 

“You’ll be fine, being allergic to fish is not going to make you allergic to frog, they’re different species,” MJ placates. “You literally ate live worms today, Peter, I think you’ll be fine.” 

 

“True,” Peter nods, picks up one of the frog legs, and takes a bite out of the side. “Ew,” he makes a face. “It’s really chewy. I mean, it tastes like chicken, but… chewy.” 

 

“Mine tastes like trash, but chewy,” Tony comments. “Moving on.” 

 

{cut}

“What the **** is that?” Peter shrieks, staring at the large, pinkish mass sitting in front of him. 

 

“Cow tongue,” MJ happily informs him. “Before you ask, don’t worry, it’s completely edible. Have fun with that.” 

 

Tony reveals his massive gummy version of the tongue. “This also looks disgusting, but less gross than that.” 

 

“Why am I getting all the worst ones?” Peter whines. “Torture him a bit!” 

 

“Excuse me,” Tony looks offended. “Did you forget about the brain? Or the bear?” 

 

“Ive eaten frog, a ridiculously spicy pepper, and  _ live worms _ , Mr. Stark,” Peter retorts. “And I’m about to eat cow tongue. I think I win. Oh well, if I die, I die.” 

 

He takes a massive bite out of the side, chews thoughtfully, before swallowing. 

 

“Not as bad as I thought it would be,” he decides. “But still nasty. Let’s just move on before I think about this too much.” 

 

{cut}

 

“This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen,” Tony declares, lifting up his plate to show a tray of gummy sushi, accompanied by chopsticks. 

 

“Oh, thank god,” Peter sighs in relief. “I ******* love sushi.” 

 

“For someone who lectures me about language a lot, you sure like using that word,” Tony comments.

 

“It’s my channel, I can swear if I want,” Peter snarks. 

 

Tony looks offended. “Excuse me, I thought this was  _ our _ channel? It’s called the Ironfam!”

 

“You didn’t even want to do this, Mr. Stark, I had to force you, which makes it  _ my _ channel.” Peter decides, putting a piece of the sushi in his mouth. 

 

“That is  _ so _ not true!” 

 

{cut}

 

“This is delicious,” Tony declares, staring down at the gummy sushi. “I mean, I’ve hated almost every single one of these gummy candies, but this is fabulous.” 

 

“Come on, Mr. Stark, we’ve got to move on,” Peter says, putting the cover back over the sushi. “You can have it back after the video.” 

 

{cut}

 

“Is this a worm again?” Peter asks, holding up a long, gummy something.

 

“Um, no,” MJ says. “It’s a snake.” 

 

“A  _ snake _ ?” Tony and Peter say in unison. 

 

“Yes,” Ned laughs nervously. “This was all MJ’s idea.”

 

“Damn right it was.” MJ mutters. 

 

{cut}

 

The cover has been removed from Tony’s plate, and he’s staring down at the slices of meat on the plate. 

  
“I don’t know if I can make myself eat this,” he informs Peter. “I mean, brain was one thing, but…  _ snake _ ? Really?” 

 

“Just eat it, Mr. Stark, tell youself it’s salami or something,” Peter says, voice muffled around the head of the gummy snake in his mouth. 

 

Tony sighs, picks up one of the slices, takes a deep breath, moves it towards his mouth, stops and closes his mouth, takes another deep breath, closes his eyes, shoves it into his mouth, immediately swallows, and begins downing a glass of water. 

 

“That was horrifying,” he says, repeatedly. “That was  _ horrifying _ .” 

 

“You couldn’t have even tasted it, Mr. Stark, look,” Peter picks up one of the slices and pops it into his mouth. He chews, swallows, and takes a drink from the coke bottle sitting next to his plate. “Yep. Horrifying. At least there’s only two more.” 

 

{cut}

 

“Thank ****, a cheeseburger,” Tony declares, picking up the burger and taking a massive bite, his eyes closed. 

 

“Mr. Stark’s favourite food is cheeseburgers,” Peter informs the camera. He picks up his gummy hamburger, only to have the bottom fall off. “Oh my god, this comes apart?”

 

He immediately takes apart all the layers, spreading them out on the plate, before staring down on it, his eyes alight with happiness. 

 

“Look, Mr. Stark, it comes apart!” he exclaims. “It’s like an actual hamburger! This is amazing!” 

 

“That’s great, kid,” Tony says, still eating the cheeseburger with his eyes closed. 

 

Peter rolls his eyes, picks up the gummy slice of cheese, licks it, and slaps it onto Tony’s cheek. Tony’s eyes fly open, and he shrieks. 

 

“Why is it  _ wet _ ?” he yells. “Oh my  _ god _ , Parker, did you  _ lick _ that?” 

 

“You weren’t paying attention to me,” Peter says solemnly. “I did what I had to do.” 

“You  _ little- _ ”

 

{cut}

 

“Last round,” Peter says nervously, staring at the covered plates. “This could either be really amazing, or really bad.” 

 

“I don’t think it gets much worse than worms and brain,” Tony says reasonably. 

 

“That’s true,” Peter allows, nodding. “Alright. On the count of three then?” 

 

“Sure.” 

 

“One… two…  _ three! _ ” 

 

With a flourish, they both remove their covers, and Peter begins cheering. 

 

“A hot dog! I love hot dogs!” 

 

He immediately picks it up and takes a bite, at the same time that Tony yanks a piece of his gummy hot dog off. 

 

“Huh,” he says, chewing thoughtfully. “I’m having flashbacks to the donut of round one.”  

 

“Mr. Stark, you can’t have flashbacks to something that happened an hour ago.” Peter rolls his eyes. 

 

“Well, I am, so clearly you can.” 

 

{cut}

 

“Well, that’s it for the gummy vs real challenge!” Peter exclaims, smiling widely at the camera. “I hope you enjoyed, because I, at least, am definitely leaving this challenge traumatized. I can still feel the worms writhing around in my stomach.”

 

“There’s no way you can really feel that, kid,” Tony declares. 

 

“Prove it.” 

 

{cut}

 

“If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe, to see more of… this. Have a good night! Or day. Or morning. Whenever you’re viewing this. Just enjoy your current time.” Peter says awkwardly. “Bye!” 

 

Tony begins laughing. 

 

{cut}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been requested that I start including comments at the end of these chapters, which actually sounds like a really good idea, except for... I don't know what I'd use for usernames! I hate to be redundant, but it would really help me out, so... if you follow my twitter and instagram, I'll use your usernames for inspiration! I really need this for next chapter, because that's an entire chapter devoted to reading tweets and comments, and it'll be way slower if I have to think of all the usernames/urls myself! Thanks!   
> Twitter: @lessEmilyplease  
> Instagram: emilyweaslette


	5. Passing Out Prank! *gone wrong*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I technically said that this chapter would be reading tweets/comments, and I've started writing that one, but... I've decided I want to start using some of your guys's comments for that one, so it's genuine reactions to stuff. So, you'll get that in a bit! Until then, enjoy whatever this is instead!  
> Also, sorry it's shorter, I decided that Peter wouldn't have let Tony be that worried for long. Especially once his voice started cracking, which is sometimes an indicator that someone's about to cry...

The video opens to see Peter sitting alone in what appears to be his bedroom, judging by all the Star Wars posters on the wall. 

“Okay, guys, here’s the gameplan,” Peter jumps right into the video. “I’ve decided I want to prank Tony. I’ve asked around my friends and, like, the team, and we’ve reached the conclusion that I should do the ‘passing out’ prank on Tony.”

He takes a deep breath, before continuing. 

“So what I’m going to do,” he explains, gesturing wildly as he talks. “Is go down to the lab like I normally do. I’ve already got a camera installed, and I hacked Friday so she wouldn’t snitch on me. I’m gonna go down, start working, doing whatever, and I’m going to drop a few hints. Just like, ‘oh, it’s hot in here,’ or, ‘I’m a little hungry,’ stuff like that. He totally freaks out if I don’t eat breakfast and/or lunch, because I skipped once and got super lightheaded and stuff, so that’ll lay the foundation down pretty well. I think I’ll mention being hungry last, because as soon as I say that, he’ll shut down whatever we’re working on and make me go upstairs to get a snack. So he’ll tell me to go get some food, and I’ll be all like, ‘no, I’m fine, we can keep working’ because that’s what I always do when he tells me to take care of myself, and if I don’t he’ll be suspicious. Then I’ll ‘give in’, stand up, and kind of grab the table, like I just got dizzy or something. When he asks me what’s wrong, I’ll say nothing, take a few steps forward, and just collapse. Hopefully, he reacts in a funny way.” 

Peter pauses, seemingly thinking, before he speaks again. “I mean, I hope he does something. Freaks out, maybe. Calls Bruce, or something. It would be kind of sad if he just left me on the floor. I mean, I don’t want him to call Bruce, because everyone has more important things to do than fuss over me and a prank, but still. Hopefully he notices, too. Damn, now I’m stressing out that he’s not going to do anything and this prank will suck. Oh well, no way to find out except to do it, I guess. I’ll see you all in a bit!” 

{cut}

The camera is obviously hidden behind something in the lab. Peter and Tony are both sitting at different desks, seemingly working on separate projects. 

“Damn, it’s hot in here,” Peter comments idly, taking his sweatshirt off. 

Tony glances at him. “Really? I’m actually pretty cold.” There’s a moment of silence, and then- “Are you feeling alright, kid? You’re usually a lot colder than I am.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Peter waves him off. “It’s probably just a cold or something.” 

“If you say so,” Tony slowly turns back to his desk, throwing a worried look Peter’s way every few minutes. 

Peter starts shifting around in his chair, fidgeting, twisting his head around, as though he’s uncomfortable and can’t figure out how to fix it. At one point, he closes his eyes and rubs his forehead. 

“You sure you’re alright?” Tony asks, setting down the tool in his hand and giving Peter is undivided attention. “You’re acting… weird.” 

“Yeah, just a headache,” Peter says. “I didn’t have much lunch today, that’s probably it.” 

“Peter!” Tony exclaims. “We’ve talked about this! You can’t skip meals! Go grab a snack, go on.” 

“No, no, Mr. Stark, I’m fine, really,” Peter insists. “We can keep working, it’s fine.” 

“Yeah, no can do, Underoos,” Tony says, standing up. “Come on, I’ve been meaning to go grab some coffee for a while now. Come on.” 

Peter stands up, sways a bit, and grabs onto the table. Tony grabs his shoulder, steadying him. 

“Woah, kid, you alright?” he asks, looking extremely worried. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Peter insists, a bit dazedly, pulling his arm out of Tony’s hand. “Let’s just go… upstairs…” 

Peter takes about three steps before he drops like his strings have been cut. Tony cries out, barely catching him before he’s hit the floor. He staggers under the sudden weight of the teen, and gently lowers both of them to the ground. Peter’s head is resting in his lap, and Tony starts patting his cheeks. 

“Kid. Underoos, come on,” Tony says urgently, giving Peter’s shoulders a gentle shake. “Pete. Peter! Come on, kid, wake up. No-no sleeping on the job, come on kid, up you get.” 

Peter doesn’t move. Tony begins patting his face a little more urgently, shaking his shoulders a bit harder. 

“Peter. Kid! Friday, call-call Bruce, call Steve, call anyone-” Tony’s voice cracks, and Peter immediately sits up. 

“Hey. Hey, Mr. Stark, I’m fine, it was-it was just a prank, I’m fine, nothing’s wrong,” he says earnestly. 

Tony scoots backwards a bit, startled, as he takes in Peter’s perfectly fine face. 

“What’s… what?” he asks blankly. 

“It was-it was a prank, all the comments were saying I should prank you, and I talked with the team to decide which one I should do, and they all thought ‘passing out’ was the way to go,” Peter explains, a bit frantically. “Obviously… it wasn’t.” 

“It… yeah, no ****!” Tony exclaims. “So what, there’s a-a camera in here somewhere?” 

“Yeah, over there,” Peter points at the camera. “I’m… I’m sorry, Mr. Stark, it was a really stupid idea, I just…” 

Tony stands up and stalks out of the lab, leaving Peter sitting on the floor. 

{cut}

Tony and Peter are sitting in Peter’s room, in the same spot Peter started the video. 

“So,” Peter says. “That was obviously not the best idea. So I will… not be doing that again. Mr. Stark and I talked it out, and everything’s good now. Sorry for scaring you, by the way.” 

“Yeah, well…” Tony sighs. “Just expect me to get you back when you least expect it, kid. You have no idea what can of worms you just opened. Also, Barnes? Rogers? Barton? If any of you are watching this, which I assume you are, prepare for a cloud of hellfire to rain down on you for somehow convincing my kid that this was a good idea. ****. You.” 

“Okay!” Peter interrupts. “That’s all for this video! Like and subscribe if you want to see more of… this. Bye!” 

{cut} 

 

Comments: 

Avengerscenter: Omg, this is amazing

Emma: Did anyone notice Tony call Peter ‘his kid’ at the end, when he was threatening the rest of the team? 

DancingMonkey: This is so cute, Tony was so worried about him!

OoferDoofer: Awwww!

DoritoGod: #Irondad


	6. Smoothie Challenge

The video opens to show Peter and Tony sitting behind the kitchen counter. Two blenders are sitting next to them, and twenty bags are next to those. 

“Hey guys!” Peter says brightly. “Welcome back to the Ironfam! Today, Mr. Stark and I are doing the smoothie challenge!” 

“Why do I keep allowing you to talk me into eating weird things?” Tony sighs. 

“I don’t know. I’ve wondered that myself.” 

{cut}

“If you don’t know how this works,” Peter picks up like nothing happened. “Clint and Natasha went out and got us twenty mystery items, which are in these bags. Mr. Stark and I are going to oull a piece of paper out of this bowl that has a number on it, and whichever number we get, that’s which bag we open. Whatever’s in the bag, we dump the entire thing into the blender, unless it’s in wrapping or a dish or something. We put all the food that’s in it in the blender. Then we mix it up, and drink it. Whichever one of us drinks the most gets a prize. You ready Mr. Stark?” 

“As I’ll ever be, kid.” 

{cut}

“Rock paper scissors to see who goes first,” Peter says, holding his hands out. “Best two out of three. Winner goes first. Ready?” 

“Sure,” Tony puts his hands in front of Peter’s. 

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!” 

Peter wins with rock. 

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!” 

Peter wins with scissors. 

“I win Mr. Stark!” Peter cheers, delighted. He reaches into the bowl of paper. “Number 14.  Where’s number 14?” 

“Here,” Tony says, dropping it in front of him. 

Peter closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and opens the bag. He immediately begins cheering. 

“Strawberries!” he exclaims. “We’re off to a pretty good start!” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony rolls his eyes. “In it goes.” 

Peter dumps a bowl of strawberries into his blender. 

{cut}

“Number 2?” Tony says, searching through the bags. “Here it is. Alright kid, here we go…” he opens the bag. “Ham. Ham? Seriously? Who puts ham in a smoothie?” 

Clint is laughing from behind the camera. 

“You, apparently,” Peter shrugs. “In it goes.” 

“Can I at least chop it up so it doesn’t ruin the blender?” Tony sighs, pulling a whole ham out of his bag. 

“I suppose,” Peter sighed dramatically. “Go on. Go chop your ham.”

{cut}

Tony’s blender is now full of pieces of ham. Peter reaches into the bowl. 

“3,” he declares. “Where’s number three?” 

“It’s heavy,” Tony warns, passing a bag to Peter. 

Peter rips it open, and begins laughing. “Milk, Mr. Stark! So far, we’ve got a strawberries and cream smoothie. And you’ve got… ham.” 

“Oh, shush,” Tony snaps, but there’s no real heat behind his words. “Have fun putting an entire gallon of milk in your smoothie.” 

Peter stares at him for a moment, and then looks down at the jug in his hand. “Um, we may have a problem.” 

{cut}

Milk is now sitting in Peter’s blender, coating the strawberries.

“Okay, we changed the rules a bit,” Peter says.  “You have to put 1 cup of whatever you get in, because otherwise, nothing will fit. So we adjusted what was currently in the blenders accordingly.” 

“And now it’s my turn,” Tony says, reaching into the bowl. “Seven.” 

Clint starts laughing again. 

“What did you do, Barton?” Tony asks, staring behind the camera as he takes the bag Peter’s handing him. 

“Just open the bag,” Peter says. 

Tony reaches into the bag, still staring at Clint, and pulls out a plastic bag of-

“Gummy bears?” he asks, looking questioningly at Clint. 

“They’re cinnamon bears, Mr. Stark!” Peter says excitedly. “Oh, I love those!” 

He reaches towards the bag Tony’s holding, and has one halfway to his mouth before Clint speaks up.

“Um, I wouldn’t, Pete,” he says, his voice shaky with laughter. 

Peter freezes, looks suspiciously at the gummy bear in his hand, and sets it down. “Why not?” 

“Because,” Natasha enters the frame briefly. “They’re sugar free cinnamon gummy bears.” 

Tony and Peter stare at her blankly. “Ok?” 

Natasha’s eyeroll is almost audible from behind the camera. “ _So_ ,” she says, drawing it out dramatically. 

“They’ll make you poop,” Clint cuts in. “Really hard. For a really long time.” 

Tony stares deadpan towards the camera for a few moments, before Peter bursts out laughing. 

“Are you ******* kidding me, Barton?” he snaps. 

“No, I’m not,” Clint’s laughter is mixed with the sounds of Peter’s and Natasha’s laughs. “Good luck with that. This kid I know ate one, and was on the toilet for a solid hour. Have fun with twenty.” 

“I only have to put in a cup,” Tony protests. 

“Yeah. I measured it out. That’s a cup right there, which is the equivalent to twenty,” Clint says. 

Tony glares at the camera. 

“Just put it in, Mr. Stark,” Peter says nonchalantly. 

Tony’s glare shifts to Peter.

{cut}

A pile of red gummy bears has joined the mound of ham in Tony’s blender. 

“Moving right along to number…” Peter pulls a paper out of the bowl. “Twenty. Where’s number twenty?” 

“Right by your right arm,” Tony points it out. “There you go.” 

Peter opens the bag, and laughs. “Churros! I love churros! Once, I helped this old lady across the street, and she bought me, like, three!” 

“ _Kid_!” Tony exclaims. 

{cut}

“Mr. Stark pulled number 9, which is…” Peter drumrolls on the table. 

“Whipped cream,” Tony deadpans, scooping a cup out of the package and dropping it into the blender. “Next.” 

“Well, okay then,” Peter shrugs. “Someone’s salty about his gummy bears.” 

“Shut up.”

{cut}

“Well, I’ve got number 16…” Peter says, showing the slip of paper to the camera while searching through the bags. “Which gives me…”

“Eggs,” Tony says, gently setting the bag down in front of Peter. “Two whole eggs.” 

“Ew,” Peter opens the bag and pulls out the eggs. “I guess… in they go.” 

{cut}

The eggs are sitting at the top of the mound of food in Peter’s blender, uncracked. 

“You didn’t want to crack them first?” Tony asks, laughing a bit, as he rifles through the bowl of numbers. 

“No,” Peter says. “I’m no coward. I will drink a smoothie filled with eggshell if that’s what the viewers ask.” 

“You’re an idiot,” Tony laughs, pulling out a paper. “5.” 

“Ew, Mr. Stark,” Peter hands Tony a bag, the bottom of which is tearing, revealing a spice container inside. “Garlic salt. Have fun with a cup of that mixed with your poop bears.” 

“Really mature, Pete,” Tony says, unscrewing the top of the container and dumping the entire thing into his blender. “Moving on.” 

{cut}

“More berries!” Peter exclaims, pulling a bowl of raspberries out of a bag labelled ‘11’. “I’m on a roll, Mr. Stark, I’ve only got one bad thing! And you have… only one good thing. Good luck with that.” 

“I will have you know that I am perfectly happy with my smoothie,” Tony says indignantly, pulling a number out of the bowl. “Even with it’s addition of…” Tony searched through the bags, pulling out number 8. “Apple cider vinegar. Wonderful. That’ll be pleasant.” 

“You could lose now, Mr. Stark,” Peter says solemnly. 

“Oh, no way, kid,” Tony says, pouring the jug into his blender. “I know what the prize is, and I am here to _win_.” 

{cut}

“Number 4 is ice cream!” Peter cheers, pulling out a tub of vanilla ice cream. 

“And number 6 is chocolate sauce,” Tony adds, adding a generous amount of the syrup to his smoothie. “ _Finally,_ a good one.” 

“How good is it going to be with your apple cider vinegar and poop bears?” Peter asks, laughing. 

“Would you move on from the gummy bears?” 

{cut}

“We’ve both got 4 more items to go,” Peter says. “And we’ve decided we’re going to each take 4 more papers, and unveil them all at the same time. Mr. Stark’s going first, because he’s got the worst luck so far in this challenge. Ready?” 

“No,” Tony deadpans, grabbing four papers out of the bowl, one at a time. “Alright, my numbers are… 1, 12, 15, and 13.” 

Peter sets all four bags in front of him. Slowly, Tony opens them. 

“And they are… mayo, asparagus, bluleberries, and mountain dew.” Tony wrinkles his nose. “This is disgusting. I don’t know how I’m going to drink any of this without puking.” 

“Better figure it out, if you want the apparently amaxing prize,” Peter shrugs. “Okay, my turn. I’ve got numbers 17, 19, 10 and 18, which are… Maple syrup, blue cheese, chicken, and pineapple.” Peter looks behind the camera. “Blue cheese? _Blue cheese?_ Are you trying to kill me? The blue part of blue cheese is mold! There’s no way it’s actually edible!” 

“I mean, it definitely is, kid,” Tony shrugs. “And it’s really not bad.” 

“Have you _had it_ ?” Peter shrieks, giving Tony an incredulous look. At his nod, Peter turns back to the camera. “Tony Stark ate _blue ******* cheese_. I can’t… I can’t. That’s it. I just can’t.”

{cut}

The blenders are gone, replaced with two cups full of liquid. Tony’s is a disgusting brownish-green colour, with chunks of red here and there. Peter’s is pinkish, with a yellowish tinge to it. 

“Alright, here goes,” Peter says, lifting up his glass and sniffing it. “Mine doesn’t seem too bad… I can smell the strawberries, but I can also definitely smell the chicken. What about you, Mr. Stark?” 

Tony is holding his glass out as far away from him as possible. “Mine just smells like apple cider vinegar. It’s disgusting.” 

“Well…” Peter takes a deep breath. “Here we go. Bottoms up,” he clinks his glass with Tony, and both raise their glasses to their lips. 

Tony takes a few gulps before he pulls away, gagging. He tries to take another swallow, but retches, almost puking. He sets his glass down and pushes it away from him, which causes it to slide off the edge of the counter and shatter. Peter, however, is chugging his down, swallowing repeatedly, tipping the glass further and further back. Tony stares at him incredulously, as Peter finishes his smoothie and slams the glass down onto the counter so hard it shatters. 

“ _BLEGH_!” he exclaims, immediately leaping up. The camera is picked up and turned, so it shows Natasha standing beside the kitchen sink. Peter turns the water on and begins gulping down mouthfuls, while Tony laughs. 

{cut}

Peter and Tony are sitting on the couch in the living room. 

“That was _disgusting_ ,” Peter declares. “It tasted like… like someone tried to make a strawberry milkshake, but then put an entire rotten chicken in it.”

“Well, you drank the whole thing, and I only managed four swallows,” Tony shrugs. “Which means you get the prize. Natasha?”

“Close your eyes, Peter,” Natasha’s voice instructs. 

Peter rolls his eyes at the camera, before doing as instructed. 

“Hold out your hands,” Natasha enters the frame, holding a King Charles Spaniel puppy. 

Tony is grinning like a kid on Christmas, as he watches Peter’s hands go out in front of him expectantly. Natasha very carefully places the dog into Peter’s arms. Peter gasps. 

“Oh my god, it’s alive!” he exclaims, adjusting his hold on the dog as it wriggles around. “Oh my god, is this a puppy? Mr. Stark, is this a dog? This feels like a dog!” 

“Open your eyes, Pete,” Tony laughs. 

Peter’s eyes immediately fly open, and he squeals, enveloping the puppy into an embrace. “Oh! My! God! The prize is a puppy? Are you serious? I get a puppy just because I’m stupider than you?” 

“You were gonna get the puppy anyway,” Tony informs him. “This just seemed like a good way to do it.” 

“This is _amazing_!” Peter exclaims. “Boy or girl?” 

“She’s a girl,” Natasha tells him. “She’s two and a half months old. One of Laura’s friends has a dog that just had puppies, and she said we could have one.” 

“I love her,” Peter says, cradling the dog and staring down into her face. “She’s precious. She’s my baby. Her name is Lady and she’s precious and she’s my baby.” 

Tony, Clint, and Natasha are all laughing fondly as they watch Peter fawn over Lady. 

“Oh my god, I have to go tell Ned,” Peter declares, standing up, still cradling Lady. He walks away. 

“Well,” Tony laughs, turning to the camera. “I guess it falls on me to do the outtro. Please like and subscribe if you’d like to see more of… this, which I suspect you might, given that there is a new member of the Ironfam. We will see you all next time!” 

{cut}

 

Comments:

Laughinglola: this is sooooo cute!

ExcusableNote: I love that Tony was so against that outtro and calling them the Ironfam at first, but he did it exactly the way Peter does when Peter wasn’t there to do it. So adorable!

Disneyfan001: Did Peter name her Lady because of Lady and the Tramp? 

Patientporcupine: Oh my god, probably! 

DoritoGod: #IronDad

Unreal: So... do we get to know what happened to Tony after those gummy bears, or...? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... if any of you are wondering why Peter never mentioned May or their apartment, like to ask if the dog would be allowed or anything, it's because... in this universe, May died just a few weeks before this video was uploaded, so Peter is living with the team. This will be addressed in a future chapter, like... 8 more? Ish? Anyway, just thought you might want to know that.  
> Also, in answer to Disneyfan001's comment... yes, Peter definitely named the dog Lady because of Lady and the Tramp. If any of you were wondering.


	7. Mr. Stark’s revenge- heart attack prank *bad idea*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe 'the team has one braincell and Natasha is the only one who uses it' is a tag I actually wrote on this story.

The video opens to a close-up of Tony’s face. He fiddles with the camera for a moment, before setting it down and backing away. He appears to be in the living room. 

“Alright, here’s what’s going on,” he begins explaining. “Peter is at school right now, so I thought I’d set this up. If you’re new to the Ironfam, you should know that a few weeks ago, Peter decided it would be a good idea to prank me.’ 

{static cut} 

_Peter takes about three steps before he drops like his strings have been cut. Tony cries out, barely catching him before he’s hit the floor. He staggers under the sudden weight of the teen, and gently lowers both of them to the ground. Peter’s head is resting in his lap, and Tony starts patting his cheeks._

_“Kid. Underoos, come on,” Tony says urgently, giving Peter’s shoulders a gentle shake. “Pete. Peter! Come on, kid, wake up. No-no sleeping on the job, come on kid, up you get.”_

{static cut} 

“Now,” Tony continues. “Peter thought it was hilarious. I, however, did not. I was so mad for a bit, but you know, we talked it out, everything’s good now. Of course, I did say-”

{static cut}

_“Yeah, well…” Tony sighs. “Just expect me to get you back when you least expect it, kid. You have no idea what can of worms you just opened. Also, Barnes? Rogers? Barton? If any of you are watching this, which I assume you are, prepare for a cloud of hellfire to rain down on you for somehow convincing my kid that this was a good idea. ****. You.”_

{static cut}

“I did rain a cloud of hellfire down on Barnes, Rogers, and Barton,” Tony shrugs towards the camera. “It was not my fault that certain people are easily convinced with one million dollars to pack up and pretend they’ve abandoned their loved ones. It’s also not my fault that Steve had never had a pot brownie. Just as it is not my fault that Barnes’s metal arm has fantastic nerve sensors that pick up on itching powder very well. That’s Shuri’s faults.” 

{static cut}

_Clint and Tony are sitting on a couch in an unknown, but cozy, living room. Clint is sobbing into Tony’s shoulder._

_“She just left!” he sobbed, brandishing a piece of paper. “She just said she hates me and left! She even took everyone with her! She didn’t even leave me a chicken!”_

_“There, there,” Tony says, awkwardly patting Clint’s head. He then turns and winks at the camera._

{static cut}

_“I ******* love America,” Steve declares, sitting on the couch on the common floor of the Tower. Tony is sitting across the room, laughing his butt off. “It’s so… it’s just so good. It’s so ******* good. America is the ****. It’s just… it’s so ******* amazing. Like… patriotism. ****. It’s amazing. It’s fantastic. It’s… America, man. Hey, that’s me! I’m America Man!”_

_Steve begins laughing uncontrollably. Insane, unbridled laughter fills the room from both Steve and Tony. The elevator dings, and Bucky enters the room._

_“Are you… are you okay?” he asks uncertainly, looking mildly afraid._

_“I’m ******* fantastic,” Steve announces, standing up, walking over to Bucky, and kissing him full on the mouth. He then steps away, turns on his heel, and struts out of frame. “God bless ******* America!” he shouts over his shoulder._

_Bucky is standing, shell-shocked, in front of the elevator._

_“You good?” Tony asks, finally getting his laughter under control._

_“I…” Bucky turns to stare at him. “I am not sure what just happened. And I am not sure how I feel about it.”_

{static cut}

_Bucky is violently shaking his metal arm._

_“MY ARM IS ITCHING AND IT’S NOT EVEN CAPABLE OF DOING THAT!” he shrieks._

_Tony begins laughing from off camera._

{static cut} 

“Yeah…” Tony shrugs, looking slightly sheepish. “Clint was still crying in that last one. I was beginning to feel kind of bad. Anyway,” he claps his hands together. “I got my sworn revenge of everybody I said I would. Except for Peter. He decided to take something he knows I worry about, and make me think it was happening. So, I’m simply going to return the favor.” 

He leans back in his chair. 

“As most of you know, I have heart problems,” he begins explaining. “My arc reactor, all that ****, everyone knows all that stuff. Doctors have said it’s not out of the realm of possibility for me to experience heart attacks in my later life. So, I am going to have one tonight.”

{cut}

“I told Peter I’d get him back when he least expects it,” Tony picks up like nothing happened. “So I picked tonight. Tonight is movie night. I am going to have a near death experience tonight. Peter is going to freak out tonight. Let’s get this show on the road.” 

{cut}

The camera is set up across the living room. Peter and Tony are visible, sitting cuddled together on the couch, a mound of blankets surrounding them, a pile of food on the coffee table in front of them. Lady is sleeping in the blankets on Peter’s lap. _Star Wars_ is playing on the tv. Peter reaches forwards and grabs a bowl, only to look disappointed. 

“Popcorn’s almost gone,” he sighs, beginning to detangle himself from the blankets. 

“Nah, kid, you stay put,” Tony protests, standing up. “I’ll get it.” 

“Are you sure, Mr. Stark?” Peter asks, looking uncertain. “I can do it.” 

“No, it’s fine, kid,” Tony stretches and grabs the bowl from Peter. “This is your favourite part coming up, I don’t want you to miss it. Plus, you’d wake Lady up.” 

As Tony begins to leave, he rubs at his chest, making a pained expression. Peter, who’s been watching him, immediately notices. 

“Are you alright, Mr. Stark?” he asks, leaning forward as though to stand up again. 

“Yeah, kid, I’m fine,” Tony waves him off. “My chest is just a little tight, happens all the time, nothing to worry about.” 

Peter looks as though he thinks it is something to worry about, but says nothing, leaning back into the couch and scratching Lady’s ears, glancing worriedly into the kitchen a few times. The camera picks up the sounds of the popcorn popping and being poured into a bowl, and then Tony is reentering the frame. He’s rubbing his chest again, looking very pained and uncomfortable. 

“Mr. Stark, are you sure you’re okay?” Peter asks, sitting up and pausing the movie. “Maybe you should go see Dr. Banner.” 

“No, kid, I told you, I’m fi-” Tony says, sounding a bit annoyed, before cutting off. His expression morphs into one of extreme pain and slight panic. He makes a strained grunting sound as the popcorn tumbles from his hands, both of them flying up to his chest as he staggers backwards. 

“Mr. Stark?” Peter asks, standing up, sending Lady tumbling. “Mr. Stark!” 

Peter leaps forward as Tony collapses, but is a split second too late, as Tony hits the floor. Peter falls to his knees beside him, panicked, tapping and shaking him urgently. Lady, after recovering from her rude awakening, is dancing around and barking loudly. 

“Mr. Stark!” Peter exclaims. “Mr. Stark, oh my god, you’re gonna be alright, it’ll be…” 

Peter abruptly leaps to his feet and runs out of the room, Lady following him. 

Tony lays still for a moment, before sitting up, staring after Peter, and then turns to the camera, giving a confused and slighty offended shrug. 

“Maybe he went to-” Tony begins, looking bemused, when the elevator dings, so he immediately drops back down into his previous position. 

Peter reenters the frame, followed by what appears to be most of the team, excluding Thor, Wanda, and Vision. 

“I don’t know what’s happening, I think he’s having a heart attack,” Peter’s rambling, immediately returning to Tony’s side. “He was all… he was rubbing his chest, and kind of messing with his left arm, and he looked like he was in pain but started getting all annoyed whenever I brought it up, and then he came back with the popcorn, and just kind of dropped it and fell backwards and-” 

“Okay, easy, Pete,” Steve says, laying a hand on Peter’s shoulder. “Bruce’ll take a look at him.” 

Bruce leans down next to Tony, and begins ‘taking a look.’ Natasha puts an arm around Peter and starts mumbling in Russian. Peter has dissolved into silent tears. Tony, unaware of the reaction Peter is having, doesn’t move, until Bruce sits back, an extremely annoyed expression on his face. 

“He’s fine,” he declares, standing up. 

Tony sits up. “Way to ruin the prank, Brucie,” he says goodnaturedly. 

“I don’t think Peter thought it was very funny, Tony,” Natasha snaps. 

Tony glances around, making eye contact with Peter and seeing for the first time his panicked face, tears still falling. 

“I - ****,” Tony stands up immediately, moving towards Peter. The rest of the team leaves the room, not wanting to be present for either the angry blowup, or emotional meltdown-turned-to-heartfelt-conversation that was sure to follow. “Pete, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d be so panicked -”

Peter takes a step forward and slaps Tony across the face, before immediately diving into a hug. 

“I hate you,” he sobs into Tony’s shoulder, but the desperate clinging negates those words. 

“I’m so sorry, Pete…” Tony whispers, carding his hand through Peter’s hair and holding him tightly. 

{cut}

“That was clearly a bad idea,” Tony declares. 

He and Peter are sitting on the couch. The blankets are back in their lap, Lady asleep in Peter’s lap once more. Peter’s eyes are still a bit red and blood-shot, but he appears to be fine. 

“Yeah, no duh,” he rolls his eyes. “What did you think was going to happen? You have heart problems, I have literally had nightmares about that hapenning.” 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” Tony sighs, guilt overtaking his face. 

“It’s fine,” Peter grins at the camera. “We’ve agreed no more pranks on this channel. Clearly, those are a bad idea. Sorry for any of you hoping for a prank wars or anything.” 

“Yep, never doing that again,” Tony promises. “At least we know that everybody cares.” 

“We already knew that,” Peter rolls his eyes again. “Anyway, guys, we’re going to finish movie night now. Like and subscribe if you’d like to see more of… this. Please join the Ironfam, we’d love to have you! See you all next time!

{cut} 

  
  


Comments: 

maxiesJAMAISVU: Love this! Lady is sooooo cute. Probably a good call to not do any more pranks, though. 

musicluvr1O: This was simaltaneously super funny and also really sad. I felt so bad for Peter once he started crying, and Tony not realizing… it was really kind of horrible. 

Grimmly: Who were Clint’s ‘loved ones’ that he thought abandoned him? Does he have a wife and/or kids? Why would he have chickens?

DreamCatcher06: Tony Stark is the best at getting revenge on his teammates. 

Angel: Peter crying makes me want to cry. 

DoritoGod: #IronDad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've started using usernames of those who comment on my stories as the comments at the end... I hope that's okay?


	8. Buying Anything Peter Touches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took so long to get this one out! However, I now have an abundance of free time, so I'll try to get them out faster. Hope you're all staying safe!

The video opens to Peter and Tony in the living room. Peter’s head is in his hands. Lady is in Tony’s lap, having her ears scratched. 

“I don’t want to do this video,” he declares, lifting his head. 

“You’ve gotten to pick the last ones, so now it’s my turn,” Tony retorts, still patting Lady’s head. “Hurry up and do the intro so we can get going.” 

{cut}

“Hey guys, welcome back to the Ironfam!” Peter exclaims, waving at the camera. “Today, Mr. Stark and I are going something I totally do  _ not _ want to be doing.” 

“Oh, shush,” Tony waves Peter off. “Today we’re going to Target, and we’re going to be doing the ‘Buying Anything Peter touches while Blindfolded’ challenge.” 

“Yeah,” Peter sighs. “I mentioned to Mr. Stark that I’d seen this video going around Youtube and that they were funny to watch, and he immediately decided that we were going to do one  _ right now _ . Big shoutout to Ned and MJ, who came over to watch movies, and instead get to film me and Mr. Stark do this stupid ****. Thanks for being good friends who understand that I have no control over this eccentric billionaire.” 

“That’s not true,” MJ’s voice disagrees. “You’ve got him wrapped around your finger.” 

“That is  _ not true! _ ” Peter exclaims. “Why do people keep saying that?” 

{cut}

“Anyway,” Peter continues as though the cut never happened, except Lady is now in his lap instead of Tony’s. “Mr. Stark wanted to go to some fancy rich person store, but I refuse to go to those stores. I told him that if he wanted to do this video, we had to go to Walmart or Target, and apparently Target is slightly more dignified than Walmart, so that’s where we’re going. Let’s get this over with.” 

{cut}

“I don’t think dogs are allowed in Target,” Peter says from the front seat of Tony’s car. 

Someone, either Ned or MJ, is obviously filming this secretly, because the angle suggests that the camera is in someone’s lap and ‘casually’ pointed towards the person being filmed. 

“Nonsense,” Tony gets into the car and sets Lady in Peter’s lap. “She’s only three months old and she gets separation anxiety when you’re at school, we’re not leaving her home alone if we can help it. Besides, I’m Tony Stark, what are they going to do, kick me out?” 

Peter rolls his eyes. “Just go already.” 

{cut}

“We’re here!” Peter announces, his arms thrown out on a ‘ta-da’ gesture, standing in front of Target. “Now we get to go embarass outselves! Mr. Stark is going to blindfold me out here and lead me into the store and into whatever sections he pleases, and the first thing I touch in that section goes into the cart. Then we move on to the next section. Afterwards, Ned and MJ are going to take me outside, while Mr. Stark pays, and I’ll be seeing the stuff for the first time when I do a reveal at home. Ready, Mr. Stark?’ 

“Blindfold on, Peter,” Tony instructs, tossing a black sleep mask to Peter, who obediently pulls it over his eyes. “And off we go!” 

{cut}

Peter and Tony are standing in front of the LEGO aisle. Tony deliberately places Peter in front of the Star Wars sets. 

“Alright, Pete, find something you like,” Tony teases. 

Peter stands still for a moment, and then wanders down the aisle. Tony makes a dissapointed face at the camera as Peter passes by the Star Wars sets, as well as the Avengers sets. He comes to a halt in front of the  _ Friends _ sets, and sticks his arm straight out in front of him, knocking the shopping mall set off the shelf. 

“Are we in the LEGO aisle?” Peter exclaims. “Oh my god, Mr. Stark, I better have gotten something good.” 

“Yeah, you’ll love it, kid,” Tony assures him, trying to smother a laugh. “On to the tech section!” 

“Oh  _ no _ , Mr. Stark!” Peter whines. 

{cut}

“Walk forward and touch something, Peter, or I’ll buy it all,” Tony threatens the clearly resistant Peter. 

“This stuff is all so  _ expensive _ ,” Peter complains. 

“And I’m a billionaire, pick something,” Tony instructs. 

Peter huffs and turns around, promptly tripping over Lady, who was sniffing at his heels. 

“Could someone please pick her up?” Peter asks, picking hinself up from the floor. “That’s like the third time that’s happened.” 

Tony picks up Lady and hands her to Ned, who briefly enters the frame. He then helps Peter to his feet, and faces him down the aisle. 

“Just walk forward, you’re facing the stuff,” Tony informs him. 

Peter sighs, takes a few steps forwards, bends down, and grabs a box containing a laptop. 

“This is bigger than intended,” he informs Tony, handing him the box. “Take me out of this aisle, please, and into somewhere cheap.” 

{cut}

“We’re in the candy section,” Tony informs Peter, shoving him forward. “Everything is cheap, so you don’t have to worry about that.” 

“Yeah, thank god,” Peter grumbled, walking forward slowly. “This is the section I truly care about though, Mr. Stark. If I get some ****** candy, I’m gonna be pissed.” 

Tony laughs lightly, giving Peter a light push. “Hurry up, bucky.” 

“Mr. Stark,” Peter says exasperatedly. “You should know by now that I am not Bucky. For one, I have both arms. For another, I live with you, not in  _ (censored) _ . And, finally, I am not in love with Steve.” 

“Kid,” Tony rolls his eyes at the camera. “Get a move on, would you? I’m not getting any younger over here.” 

“That’s very true,” Peter agrees, strolling leisurley down the aisle. “You’re almost caught up with Steve, old man.” 

“Oh, shut up,” Tony pouts. “Have you picked something yet? You’re being incredibly picky for someone who can’t see.” 

“Oh, calm down,” Peter stops abruptly, reaches out, and siezes a package of Twizzlers. “Oh my god, Mr. Stark, is this licorice? This feels like licorice. I  _ hate _ licorice.” 

Tony laughs. “You’ll find out when we get home, kiddo,” he shrugs. “On to produce!” 

“ _ Produce _ ?” Peter makes as much of a face as he can when his eyes aren’t visible. “Who’s idea was  _ produce _ ?” 

“Mine,” MJ’s voice says. “Problem?” 

Peter’s demeanor changes immediately. “No, no, not at all. It’s a great idea, really. Let’s get on to produce, then!” 

Peter strides out of frame, guided by Ned. As Tony passes the camera, he looks behind it to MJ, and mouths  _ ‘How did you do that?’ _ before exiting the frame, as well. MJ laughs. 

{cut}

“Alright, we’re in produce,” Tony says, aiming Peter so that he’ll walk directly into a basket full of oranges. “Let’s get a move on.” 

Peter stands entirely still for a moment, before he turns sharply to the right, takes two steps, turns to the left, and proceeds to walk directly past the basket. 

“Damn,” Tony sighs. “I always forget about that.” 

Peter wanders throughout the produce, somehow never running into anything, and stops right in front of the apples. 

“This,” he declares, sticking his arm out and patting the top of a couple of them. “Get a bag and fill it with seventeen of these.” 

“That’s… oddly specific,” Tony gives Peter a strange look. 

“Well,” Peter shrugs. “You wanted to play this game. Seventeen of the produce orbs, and let’s move on.” 

“Okay, weirdo,” Tony grabs a bag and begins piling apples into it. “Ned, would you take him to the ice cream while I finish counting… seventeen of the ‘produce orbs?’” 

“Sure,” Ned laughs, grabbing Peter’s arm and pulling him away. 

“How did we end up with such a weirdo?” MJ sighs, before the camera turns to follow Ned and Peter.

{cut}

“If I get anything other than cookies and cream, I’m going to be so upset,” Peter dramatically declares. 

“Well…” Tony says. “That’s entirely up to you and your intuition.” 

“I’m aware,” Peter says, walking forward a few paces. He pauses, then takes a few more steps, before stopping. He opens the freezer he’s directly in front of, and kneels down. He hovers his hand in front of a row of cookie dough, moves through cherry chocolate chip, and stops in front of cookies and cream. “This one,” he announces, grabbing a container and handing it to Tony. “Moving on.” 

Peter strides away. The camera remains fixed on Tony, still holding the ice cream. He looks directly into the camera, and mouths ‘ _ How the ****?’ _

{cut}

“Toys!” Peter exclaims, arms thrown open as he turns on the spot. “This one I’ve been looking forward too, because there are some good things in the toys section.” 

“Well…” Tony shrugs. “Get a move on, would you? I want to get to the unveiling.” 

“Yeah, yeah…” Peter spins a few more times, stops abruptly, strides forwards and shoves his arm into a large basket full of massive stuffed animals. “Oh my god, is this the stuffed animals? Mr. Stark, are these the  _ massive stuffed animals _ ?” 

“You’ll have to wait and see,” Tony says, laughing lightly. “There’s tons of these, and I have no idea which one you touched first, so I’m just gonna pick…” 

Tony sorts through the stuffed animals for a moment, and comes up with a large unicorn. 

“That seems right,” MJ agrees, when Tony holds it up for consideration. 

“Yeah, I thought so, too,” Ned nods, coming into frame to help Tony hoist it into the cart. 

“One of you had better have Lady,” Peter says. 

“Calm down, I’ve got her,” MJ assures him. “She’s making filming a bit difficult, but there are only two sections left, so… let’s get on to ‘home decor.’” 

“Um… okay,” Peter shrugs. “Someone take me there.” 

He sticks his arm straight out in front of him. Ned rolls his eyes, but grabs ahold of it and begins to guide him out of the aisle. 

{cut}

“This,” Peter immediately grabs a ridiculously pink, ridiculous furry pillow, throws it at Tony, and continues walking down the aisle. “Next.” 

“Wow, someone’s in a hurry,” Tony grumbles, pulling a mound of pink fur out of his mouth. 

“I want to know what I’ve gotten!” Peter exclaims. “Hurry up!” 

{cut}

“Last but not least…” Tony shoves Peter down the aisle. “Board games!” 

Peter stumbles and almost falls, but manages to regain his balance at the last second. He turns around, presumably glaring at Tony, before he faces down the aisle and begins to walk forward. At the very end, he stops, turns, grabs Twister, and hands it to Tony. 

“There we go,” he announces happily. “Let’s get home!” 

“Come on, kiddo,” Tony rolls his eyes, grabs Peter’s shoulder, and guides him towards the exit. “I’ll meet you at the car, capishe?” 

“Capishe,” Peter and Ned say in unison, leaving the store. 

{cut}

The camera is once more angled as though recording secretly. 

“Oh my gosh, you’re Tony Stark!” the cashier exclaims. 

“Yes, I am,” Tony sighs quietly. He looks about to say something, before noticing the camera. “MJ, I swear, put that ******* camera away!” 

MJ laughs.

{cut}

Peter and Tony are sitting in the living room at the Tower. Peter is still blindfolded. 

“Alrighty,” Tony yanks Peter’s blindfold off. “Behind this couch are all the things Peter bought. He’s going to decide on a category that we shopped in, and Ned is going to pass us the item from that category. Peter will then get to see what it is. Ready?”

“Ready,” Peter nods.

“Ready,” MJ says from behind the camera.

“Ready!” Ned exclaims from behind the couch. 

“Alright, kiddo,” Tony turns to Peter. “What section do you want first?” 

“Tech,” Peter sighs. “I want to get that one over with.” 

“You hear that, Ned?” Tony leans back to speak over the back of the couch. 

There’s no response, but the laptop Peter got gets dumped unceremoniously into Tony;s lap. 

“Are you kidding me?” Peter exclaims. “A laptop? You bought me a laptop?” 

“Hey, what’s wrong with that?” Tony holds his hands up in surrender. “You were just saying yours doesn’t work very well! Also, technically speaking, you picked it.” 

“I was blindfolded, you butthead,” Peter rolls his eyes. “And my laptop works perfectly fine, thank you very much.” 

“Well, now you have a new one,” Tony shrugs. “Send us up an item, Ned!”

“I don’t care,” Peter announces. “Send up whichever one you want.” 

{cut}

Peter gets hit in the head with the ridiculously pink, furry pillow as Ned chucks it over the back of the couch at him. 

“Ooh!” Peter says, stroking it. “This is super soft!” 

“It’s also violently pink,” Tony points out. 

“So?” Peter shrugs. “It’s soft. It’s a pillow. It’s going on my bed.” 

“You can put it with this,” Ned suggests, standing up to dump the unicorn into Tony and Peter’s laps. 

“Oh my god!” Peter exclaims. “Oh my god, Mr. Stark, this is  _ amazing _ ! It’s huge! It’s so fluffy! It would absolutely go perfectly with that pillow, you’re right, Ned!” 

Tony laughs. “I love how much you’re loving this, kid.” 

“Oh my god, Ned, are they all this good?” Peter asks. 

“Uh…” Ned hesitates. “No?” 

“I don’t even care, I have a fluffy pillow and a giant unicorn, I am set for  _ life _ .” Peter declares. “Bring it on, Ned!” 

Ned reaches over the couch and hands him the LEGO set. 

“I knew this was LEGOs,” Peter muttered, as he studied the box. “LEGO Friends shopping mall?” he asks, looking questioningly at Tony. 

“Don’t ask me, you picked it,” Tony holds his hands up again. 

“Eh,” Peter shrugs. “We can still have fun building it, right Ned?” 

“Uh, sure!” Ned responds enthusiastically. “LEGOs are LEGOs!” 

“Or we could leave it closed and donate it…” Peter muses, staring at the box. 

“Also a good idea!” Ned exclaims. 

Peter laughs.

{cut}

“Ow!” Peter shrieks, as a bag full of apples are dropped onto his head. “Jeez, Ned, you don’t have to concuss me!” 

“Well, there you have it, those are your  _ produce orbs _ ,” Tony laughs. 

Peter groans. “Are you ever going to let that go?” 

“Not a chance,” Tony grins smugly. “I’ve also sent that particular video clip to the team already, so have fun dealing with them.” 

Peter groans loudly. 

{cut}

“Did I get a fun board game?” Peter asks. 

“Depends on if you think this is fun,” Ned says, standing up and setting Twister in Peter’s lap. 

“Um, yes, I think this is fun!” Peter exclaims. “Oh my god, Mr. Stark, we have to play this with the team!” 

“Um, no,” Tony shuts him down. “I do not bend like that.” 

“Oh, come on, Mr. Stark,” Peter pleads. “It’ll be so fun!” 

“For you,” MJ says. “He’s ridiculously bendy.” 

“I am,” Peter says. He stands up and drops into the splits. 

“That’s not natural, kid,” Tony does, indeed, look a little weirded out. “Stand up.” 

Peter stands up and returns to his seat on the couch. “Oh!” he exclaims. “I can also do this!” He proceeds to bend his hand straight back, so the top of his hand is touching his wrist. 

“Oh my  _ god _ , kid!” Tony shrieks. “Stop doing that! Knock it off! I’m serious!” 

Peter laughs, but lets go of his arm. “Let’s move on, Ned!” 

“How is that  _ possible _ ?” Tony asks, still staring at Peter’s hand. “There are… there are specific bone structures that prevent that!” 

“I’ll tell you later,” Peter says, giving a significant look to the camera. 

“Okay, okay, fine,” Tony agrees. “But you  _ are _ telling me later.” 

{cut}

“I already know I got the cookies and cream ice cream, so just give me that with the candy at the same time,” Peter declares. 

Ned complies, handing him both the ice cream and the Twizzlers at the same time. 

“I still don’t know how you managed to get the correct flavor and brand of ice cream,” Tony says. “It’s just another freaky thing you can do, I guess.” 

“Oh, no,” Peter laughs loudly. “I just have the route to that specific ice cream in that specific Target memorized. From all directions. I knew exactly where I was going.” 

Tony rolls his eyes. “That’s technically cheating, kid.” 

“Yeah, whatever,” Peter shrugs him off. “At least I got the right ice cream. I’m stuck with Twizzlers now, the ********* of all the ****** candies. It’s even the worst of the licorices, and all licorice sucks.” 

“Back off the Twizzlers,” MJ demands. “If you don’t want them, give them to me. I  _ love _ Twizzlers.” 

“Here, take them” Peter tosses them towards the camera. “They’re disgusting.” 

“I mean, you’re wrong, but go off, I guess,” MJ says. “Can we wrap this up? I’ve got a report on the Civil War I need to finish.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Peter and Tony roll their eyes in unison. 

{cut}

“Well, guys, I hope you enjoyed this video!” Peter exclaims. “Like and subscribe to become a part of the Ironfam if you want to see more of… this. See you next time! Bye!” 

{cut]

 

Comments: 

HereToReadMagic: Loved this! Lady is soooo cute! Can’t wait to see more of her!

Claup_Loves_Pie: this is hilarious. Peter and that freaking unicorn. Iconic. 

DoritoGod: #IronDad

 


	9. Oh my god, they're getting married! (part one - the proposal)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly how it sounds, people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for making you all wait so long for this, and possibly for making you wait a long time for the next one... I hope to finish it by tomorrow, but inspiration and motivation strike at random times. For instance, I just wrote this entire thing in one sitting at midnight, so who knows when I'll get inspiration for part two.  
> There will be three parts to this, by the way! Part one - proposal. Part two - preparations. Part three - the wedding.

The video opens with a close-up of Peter’s face. He’s breathing hard, and appears to be either speed-walking or running somewhere. 

“Okay, sorry for probably terrible quality,” he pants. “But I’m already late. I’m supposed to be at dinner with Mr. Stark and Pepper, but I was out doing… extra-curricular activities, and totally forgot until Mr. Stark texted me just now, asking where I was, and I said I was coming and he specifically told me to bring the camera and record and I dunno why, it’s just dinner, but you know… whatever. I’ll film dinner, sure. You all can watch what the Stark’s do when they’re out at dinner. I can see it now, the video titled ‘Dinner with the Ironfam’. That’s totally stupid, I dunno why anyone would watch that…” 

{cut}

The video now shows Tony and Pepper sitting at a restaurant table. Peter appears to be on the other side. 

“Welcome back to the Ironfam!” he exclaims, flipping the camera around to show himself and giving a big smile. “We’re out at a restaurant, I cannot disclose its location because that’s a bad idea, but it’s one of Pepper’s favorites. Say hi to the Ironfam!” 

He turns the camera back to Pepper, who smiles and waves. 

“Hello, Ironfam,” she says, laughing lightly. “Peter, why are you YouTubing dinner?” 

“I dunno, Mr. Stark told me to,” Peter shrugs. “It’s kinda fun though, give the Ironfam a peek into the domestic life of Tony Stark.” 

Tony and Pepper both roll their eyes, while Peter laughs. 

{cut}

The food has arrived, and the whole table, along with Tony and Pepper, are in the frame. 

“Okay, so this shows you all how immature I am,” he says, zooming in on Tony’s plate. “Mr. Stark got some fancy kind of steak, fancy potatoes, and fancy… Pepsi or something, I dunno,” he says, turning to zoom in on Pepper’s plate. “Pepper got a really pretty salad, a fancy soup, and some kind of super fancy wine,” he moves to his own plate. “And then there’s me, who felt like a complete idiot ordering a cheeseburger, fries, and chocolate milk.” 

“The cheeseburger I understand,” Tony cuts in. “Fries, too, but I have to ask… why chocolate milk?” 

“I dunno,” Peter says, presumably shrugging. “I just felt like it, I guess.” 

Tony rolls his eyes again. 

{cut} 

The camera is awkwardly zoomed in on Tony’s mouth as he takes a bite. As he chews, the angle shifts slightly to the left, showing out the window behind Tony. A crown is lining up outside the restaurant. People are holding balloons, a cake, and a bunch of other seemingly random stuff. The camera shifts down to Tony’s pants pocket, where a suspiciously small, square lump is noticeable. The camera zooms out. Tony is staring at Peter, looking confused. The camera angles down to the table, and zooms in on the peppermint that came with Tony’s meal. 

“Peter?” Tony asks, sounding confused and concerned. “What are you doing?” 

The camera zooms out so that both Tony and the mint are visible. Slowly, Peter’s hand becomes visible as he reaches out towards it. 

“Peter?” Tony and Pepper both as questioningly. 

Peter snatches the mint, and sets the camera down on the table so that he’s visible, his eyes darting between Tony and Pepper. The mint is clutched to his chest. 

“Peter, what the **** are you-” 

Peter jerks his head slightly towards the crowd. Tony’s eyes go wide. 

“Peter, please, Peter, don’t you-” 

Peter shoves the mint into his mouth, plastic and all, and swallows it whole. 

“Oh my god, Peter!” Tony exclaims, suddenly in the frame as he grabs Peter’s shoulders in a panic. “Pepper, call Happy  _ right now _ , we’ve got to get him back to the tower, to the MedBay-” 

“What - why?” Pepper asks, sounding confused but also panicked. “Tony, what’s going on?” 

“ _ Peter just swallowed a mint whole and he’s deathly allergic to peppermints! _ ” Tony shouts, as Peter’s eyes roll back in his head. “Peter! Oh my god, Peter!” 

{cut} 

“Drive faster, Happy, damn it!” Tony shouts towards the front seat of a car. 

“I’m going as fast as I can without getting arrested, Tony!” Happy snaps back. 

“Why would Peter eat a peppermint if he knows it could kill him?” Pepper asks, sounding terrified and confused. 

“Because he’s an idiot, that’s why!” Tony snaps. “Peter, I swear, if you survive, I’m going to kill you!” 

“You’re welcome, Mr. Stark!” Peter slurs. 

“There is nothing for me to be thankful for right now, Peter!” Tony rolls his eyes. 

“You’ll thank me later,” Peter sighs. 

“I will not,” Tony snaps. 

{cut}

Peter is pretending to be asleep on the couch. The camera is angled so you can see his face, and also Tony and Pepper standing behind him. 

“I don’t understand why Peter would do something so  _ stupid _ ,” Pepper sighs, running a hand down her face. 

“Because… because he knew I was trying to do something…” Tony says slowly. “And he knew I was going to do it wrong, and that I was gonna crash and burn. So, he decided to cause a panic so I wouldn’t do it. However, what he didn’t know what that… if I don’t ask this question today, I’m going to have to wait another entire year, so…” 

Tony kneels down onto one knee. Pepper’s hands fly up to her mouth, as Tony pulls a box out of his pocket and opens it, revealing a diamond ring. 

“Pepper Potts, will you marry me?” he asks. 

Before Pepper gets a chance to respond, Peter sits bolt upright. He’s apparently still loopy from whatever drugs they gave him to save his life. 

“Yaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!” he shouts, before falling forward and faceplanting into the carpet. The camera is engulfed in darkness, but Pepper’s laughter is still audible. 

“He’s such an idiot,” Tony sighs. 

“Yeah, but he’s our idiot,” Pepper says, her voice filled with happiness. “And, just so we’re clear, I will marry you.” 

“Oh, thank god,” Tony sighs again, in relief this time. “I was worried it had gone totally wrong. I’d planned this all out before Peter was in the picture, so… he was a bit of a wild card.” 

“Well, he had to be there,” Pepper says, her voice filled with laughter. “You would have been so depressed if he wasn’t. Besides, someone needed to film it to upload it to YouTube.” 

“Yeah, maybe I won’t let him upload this one…” Tony muses. “Maybe it’ll just be for us.” 

“Are you kidding me?” Pepper’s voice is indignant now. “I said hello to the Ironfam. For the  _ first time _ . This is a momentous day, that we’ll have to celebrate for years to come.” 

“Was the proposal not enough?” Tony asks, sounding slightly offended. “Or the fact that twelve years ago today was the first time I ever met you?” 

Pepper just laughs. 

{cut}


	10. Oh my god, they're getting married! (part two - the preparations)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly how it sounds!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you all go! I finished it today, like I hoped I would! Keep an eye out for the next chapter, the actual wedding, which could take longer because I'm going to have to write out other things, like best man speeches and things, that could take a while for me to get right... I hope to have it out tomorrow at the latest, but I can't promise anything!

The video opens to Peter sitting on the couch in the living room. 

“Hey guys, welcome back to the Ironfam!” he exclaims. “So, if you saw the last video I posted, you’ll know that Mr. Stark and Pepper are getting married. Now, that video actually took place a while ago, around the time of us filming… sardines? I think? Which was actually, like, six months ago, which is a little crazy. Anyway, the video you’re about to see is a compilation of video clips that happened over the last three or four months, since the wedding preparations have really picked up, that I’ve been filming and saving for you guys to post along with the previous, and next, videos because they all kind of go together. So, I hope you enjoy Oh my God They’re Getting Married Part Two - the wedding preparations!” 

{cut}

Peter is laying on the couch in the living room, holding the camera above him so his face is visible. 

“So,” he says. “The preparations for Tony and Pepper’s wedding have officially begun. They haven’t done a whole lot yet - the wedding is still three months away, so they’ve mostly been doing some overview things.” 

{cut}

“Mr. Stark,” Peter says, walking towards the kitchen table, where Tony is sitting. “Mr. Stark, show the Ironfam what you’ve got so far for the wedding!” 

“Well,” Tony says. “We’ve picked a color scheme.” 

“And?” Peter asks, after a pause. “What did you pick?” 

“Well, we went with blue and gold, because blue is one of Pepper’s favorite colors, and gold, because it’s one of mine, after red, but red and blue don’t really go all that well together.” Tony explained. 

“Excuse you,” Peter says, sounding offended. “On behalf of Captain America, Spider-Man, and the Founding Fathers, I am offended that you don’t like their color schemes.” 

“Okay, so they go well enough together, but we don’t want the wedding to look like it was ‘America’ themed, and red is a little overbearing,” Tony rolls his eyes. “So we went with blue and gold.” 

“Fine,” Peter says loftily. “I guess that’s acceptable.” 

“Oh, shut up, you little menace,” Tony says fondly. 

“So, what else have you done?” Peter asks. “Or have you only managed to pick colors?”

“We have also decided on what type of flowers we would like,” Tony informs them. “We’re going with sunflowers, tulips, and irises, with accents of daisies.” 

“Wow,” Peter sounds impressed. “Didn’t know you had such an artistic eye for flowers, Mr. Stark,” 

“Yeah, I don’t,” Tony shrugs. “That was mostly Pepper.” 

Peter laughs loudly. 

{cut}

“We need a role for Lady,” Peter says. 

Some time has obviously passed. Peter and Tony are in different outfits, the rest of the team is there, along with Ned and MJ, and papers are spread all over the table. 

“Well,” Tony looks over the paper he’s got in his hand. “She could be…” 

“She could be the ring bearer,” Pepper suggests, coming to sit next to Tony. “Lots of people use dogs for ring bearers.” 

“That’s a good idea,” Tony says, writing it down. 

“Tell the Ironfam what else you’ve got on that paper,” Peter prompts him. 

“Well, this is just the different roles everyone will play,” Tony explains. “And we’ve already checked with everyone that it’s fine. Rhodey’s my best man, obviously, and then Steve, Thor, Clint, Happy, and Peter are groomsmen. Bruce is the officiate, because apparently he’s allowed to do that and we’d rather it be someone we know. Bucky, Ned, Scott, and Cooper are ushers, because none of them wanted to be groomsmen and I don’t really know them well enough for that.” 

“Which is totally fair,” Ned adds. “Plus that’s also, like… way too much stress for me.” 

“That too,” Tony nods. “Apparently Lady is the ring bearer.” 

“I’ve got Nat as by maid of honor,” Pepper cuts in. “Plus Wanda, Hope, Maria, Laura, and MJ as my bridesmaids. And Lila is the flower girl.” 

“Peter needs a special role,” Clint suddenly says. “Seeing as how he’s basically the son of the bride and groom.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Peter says, jokingly enthusiastic. “What’s my special role, Mr. Stark?” 

“You can be MJ’s bodyguard,” Tony says, without looking up. 

“Oh my god,” Peter and MJ say in unison; Peter’s excited, while MJ is exasperated. Everyone else laughs. 

“Let’s be real, Tony,” MJ says. “If one of us is the other’s bodyguard, we all know it’ll be me.” 

“Yes, but look how excited he is,” Tony points out. 

It’s true; Peter looks like he’s about to explode from excitement. 

“Can I wear sunglasses and an earpiece, like Happy?” he asks enthusastically. “And look all serious and grumpy?” 

“Sure, kid, knock yourself out,” Tony laughs. 

“Look, Happy,” Nat says, trying to smother her laughter. “He looks up to you so much. How can you say he’s annoying?” 

“You’ve never had to drive him home from school,” Happy shouts across the living room. 

“Yes, she has,” Peter contradicts him. “That one time everyone else was on different missions, and she was the only one home? She had to deal with me alone for, like, two weeks.” 

“I’m so sorry,” MJ says, laying a consoling hand on Nat’s arm. 

Everyone bursts out laughing again. 

{cut}

“We’re a couple weeks out, now,” Peter says. “They’ve picked a spot, which I’m not going to tell you because that would be stupid. Pepper wouldn’t let me go with her to find a dress, she took Nat and MJ and all the other bridesmaids with her. They all seemed to think I would be bored out of my mind, which I take offense to.” 

“You would be, kid,” Tony says, walking past and sliding his feet into his shoes. “Let’s see how well you hold out with getting fitted for a tux.” 

“I’ll be just fine,” Peter says confidently. “I bet it’ll be _fun_.” 

{cut}

“I am bored out of my mind,” Peter complains, leaning just a bit too close to Clint. “Come on, Barton, entertain me.” 

“What do you expect me to do?” Clint asks, baffled. “I am just as bored as you!” 

Tony steps out from a dressing room. 

“Are you done?” Peter asks, standing up. “Can we go?” 

“We’re done with _mine_ ,” Tony says. “Now it’s your turn, and then we still have to do Steve, Clint, Thor, and Happy.” 

Peter groans.

{cut}

“Apparently I’m not allowed to see the wedding dress,” Peter sighs, laying on the couch again. “However, they do want my help planning the wedding cake. I don’t know why they think I’ll be any good at that, but might as well try.” 

{cut}

Peter is sitting on the floor in the kitchen, blueprints and diagrams spread around him, intently drawing and shading a sketch of a cake. Someone else is filming from the living room. 

“Having fun, there, Pete?” Tony asks from behind the camera, laughter filling his voice. 

“This is serious business, Mr. Stark,” Peter says, his voice dead serious, as he glances up from his sketch. “I can’t decide if three tiers is too much or not enough.” 

“Well, it’s up to you, kid,” Tony says. “Pepper and I want you to design it.” 

Peter looks up sharply. “ _Really_?” 

“I mean, you already pretty much are,” Tony shrugs. “If you’re up to it, of course.” 

“Oh my god, Mr. Stark, you’re going to have the most fantastical wedding cake _ever_ !” Peter exclaims. “I’m going to need _way_ more paper!” 

Tony laughs loudly. 

{cut}

“So, we know the cake flavours,” Peter says decisively. “It’s going to be alternating vanilla and lemon tiers, because Mr. Stark likes vanilla and Pepper likes lemon. I’ve got multiple ideas, and they’re all a little extra, but it’s fine, because Mr. Stark is extra and I already showed them all to Pepper to make sure she likes them and she says she loves them all.” 

“Are you going to show the Ironfam?” Ned asks from behind the camera. 

“Oh, no, no,” Peter shakes his head, standing up and walking into the kitchen. Ned follows. “They have to wait and be surprised with Mr. Stark at the actual wedding.” 

{cut}

“Mr. Stark and Pepper are having a bit of a tough time deciding on music,” Peter explains, wandering throughout the tower as someone follows behind him. “Mr. Stark wants at least a little AC/DC, but Pepper says that’s not proper for a wedding reception.” 

He pauses outside a door, and seems to be listening for a moment. 

“Okay, it sounds like they’ve decided…” he whispers. “It sounds like Pepper’s going to let him have a couple rock songs, and they’re going to play some Disney because they know I’ll love it, and some waltz’s for Pepper. They’re not going to have live music, they’re going to set up some kind of sound system. Oh, ****, they’re coming-” 

Peter sprints away down the hall, as whoever’s filming turns and runs the other way. 

{cut}

“Mr. Stark?” Peter walks up to Tony, who’s sitting at the kitchen table, writing what appears to be an invitation. “Why are you inviting General Ross to a wedding in Spain, two weeks after your actual wedding?” 

“Because,” Tony shrugs. “Pepper says I have to at least invite him, it would be _rude_ not to or whatever, no matter that all he’s ever been is rude… Anyway, she said I have to send him an invitation, but she never specifically said it had to be to our wedding, so… he’s going to _a_ wedding. I’m sure someone’s getting married in this church house in Spain on August 29.”

Peter laughs. “Won’t Pepper be mad when she finds out?” 

Tony shrugs. “Maybe. She doesn’t like him either, though, so I don’t think it’ll be that big of an issue.” 

“Okay, your funeral,” Peter laughs again, turning and walking away.

{cut}

“All the girls are at the bridal party,” Peter explains, walking down a hallway in the tower in his pajamas. “I’m on my way to the bachelor party. I’m not going to film it, because I want this part to just be special for us, but… it’s going to be pretty fun! I’m excited, I’ve never been to one of these…” 

{cut}

“Mr. Stark is hiring a limo to transport all of us to the wedding!” Peter exclaims, laughing. “It’s next week, and it only just occured to him that we all need a way to get there, that’s not being driven by Happy, as Happy is also… in the wedding. It’ll be fun, I’ve never ridden in a limo, so I’m pretty excited for that… there is some stress going around right now, because as I said, the wedding is in less than a week… let’s see, it’s Thursday now, and the wedding is on Tuesday, so that’s only, like, 4 days, not including the rest of today or the actual wedding day. Pepper’s been doing a lot of hair and makeup stuff, trying to figure out what hairstyles to put on all the bridesmaids, but they’ve hired professional hairestylists to help them pick, and to actually do it on the big day, and I think they’ve almost got that covered… Tony’s figuring out the seating chart with Steve and some planner guy, and I’m not allowed to film them because the planner says it ‘makes him uncomfortable’, whatever, but they’ve decided to weave the names into flowers that are on the backs of the chairs? Which seems a bit extra to me, but then, you all haven’t seen the cake I’ve designed, I guess you could say that’s a little extra…” 

{cut}

“What are you doing?” Peter asks, entering the bathroom. 

MJ and Nat are searching through drawers, dumping hair accessories and makeup things into a bag on the counter beside them. 

“Making a bridal emergency kit,” Nat explains, not looking up. “Just in case anything goes wrong. We’ve got extra bobby pins, mints, hair tyes, hairspray, makeup, tissues, sewing kit, perfume, baby wipes, and clear nail polish… what else do we need?” 

“Tweezers?” MJ holds up a pair. “Just in case?” 

“Absolutely,” Nat agrees, adding them to the bag. “Alright, I think that’s everything.” 

“Am I supposed to have some sort of… groomal emergency kit?” Peter asks, sounding mildly worried. 

“No, no, you’ll all be fine,” MJ waves him off. “Boys don’t need nearly as much stuff as girls do.” 

“I am so glad I’m not a girl,” Peter breathes, as he leaves the bathroom. “It seems like it would be so much work.” 

{cut}

“So, apparently we’re supposed to give out ‘wedding favors’?” Peter says, sitting at the kitchen table with Tony and Pepper. “And they decided macarons. The wedding is tomorrow, so we’re just getting them all wrapped up. It’s about four in the afternoon, and Pepper’s going to leave at about six, so that she can go with all the bridesmaids and people so Tony doesn’t see them before the wedding. All the dudes are coming over here, and we’re going to get ready here in the morning… I’m not sure where the girls are getting ready, somewhere fancy, I assume…” 

Pepper laughs. 

“Hey, cameraboy!” Tony says teasingly. “Why don’t you put that down and help us box macarons?” 

“Okay, okay,” Peter laughs. “I’ll see you guys in the morning, for the undoubtedly chaotic last-minute wedding prep!” 

{cut}

Peter is wearing a tux, and his hair is neatly combed back. He looks stressed, as he walks quickly down a hallway. 

“Mr. Stark’s having a bit of a meltdown,” he says. “He’s freaking out, panicking, you know. All the guests are arriving right now, and everyone’s gotten ready, so I don’t know why he’s so stressed out, unless it’s just because he’s getting married in less than an hour… I’m on my way up right now, Steve seems to think I’m the only one that’ll be able to calm him down. I’m going to have to leave him before we head out, though, I’m walking out with MJ, and I’m supposed to be her bodyguard, so I’ve got to make sure I’m ready for that, too…” 

{cut}

“This is going to be a disaster!” Tony shouts, pacing up and down. “I’m going to forget my vows, or she’s going to change her mind and leave me at the alter, or she’s just not going to show, or someone’s going to die or attack us or-” 

“Tony!” Peter yells, getting his attention. Tony stops talking looking at Peter in shock. “Look,” Peter says, quieter. “Everything’s going to be fine. Pepper is not going to leave you, and you’re not going to forget your vows. Nobody except those you explicity invited know where and when this is, so nobody’s going to attack you, and even if they tried, you’ve got the best security in the world, nothing’s going to happen. Pepper loves you, Mr. Stark, and she’s been waiting for this day for ages. So have you. So go out there and rock it!” 

Tony laughs, and gives Peter a hug. 

“I dunno what I could have possibly done for the universe to give you to me,” Tony says quietly. “But I am infinitely glad that it did.” 

{cut}

“I’m downstairs,” Peter whispers to the camera. He’s wearing sunglasses, and has some sort of earpiece in. “I can hear everyone, we’re getting ready to go out. I’m starting to get a little nervous now, what if I trip down the aisle or something…”

“Oh, shut up, loser,” MJ says, swatting Peter gently on the head. “You’re not going to trip, you’re going to be fine. Is Tony already out there?” 

“Yeah,” Peter nods. “We’re just waiting for the go-ahead. Pepper’s behind us somewhere… MJ and I are the last bridesmaid and groomsmen going down the aisle, then Lila’s going down, then Lady with the rings, then I think it’s Pepper and her dad… I’m not going to show her to you, though, you’ll have to wait for the next video… Oh, oh, we’re going, we’re going… It’s showtime, people!”

{cut}

Words flow across the screen in fancy lettering. 

 _To be continued…_  

{end}


	11. Oh my god, they're getting married! (part three - the wedding)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly how it sounds!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I was so excited to write this, I got it out much faster than I thought I would. I hope you enjoy it!

The video opens to a photo of Tony and Pepper standing together. Pepper is wearing a beautiful white dress with a long, elegant veil. Tony is wearing a blue tux, with a gold vest underneath and a gold bowtie. Words are written in cursive across the bottom of the photo.

_ Tony Stark and Pepper Potts _

_ Married August 15, 2018 _

{cut}

“So, Tony, how you feeling?” Bucky asks from behind the camera. 

Tony grins nervously at the camera, fiddling with his sleeves. “Nervous. Any minute now, the music is gonna start, and people are going to start walking down that aisle.” 

“Yeah, so I probably better go sit down,” Bucky laughs. “Good luck, Tony. And congrats.” 

“Thanks, Bucky,” Tony smiles at him. 

{cut}

A camera is set up behind Tony, giving a clear view of the aisle. Music swells, as Rhodey and Nat emerge, walking gracefully together. They’re followed by Clint and Laura, Thor and Wanda, Steve and Maria, Happy and Hope, and Peter and MJ. Peter is, indeed, wearing sunglasses and an earpiece, looking uncharacteristically grim and serious. MJ is barely concealing her laughter, trying to keep a straight face. Laughter breaks out among the audience at the sight. Tony laughs, as well. As the bridesmaids and groomsmen reach the alter, they separate, the bridesmaids going to stand across from Tony, while the groomsmen stand behind him. Peter, however, follows MJ to the other side, standing just behind her, doing the job of a bodyguard very well. 

Lila begins to make her way down the aisle. Instead of throwing flower petals, she’s dropping dog treats in the shape of flowers. The audience begins making confused noises, until Lady trots into view, the pillow holding the rings attached to her back, and begins following the trail of treats that Lila provided. 

The music changes to the traditional ‘Here Comes the Bride’ and swells louder. The audience stands, as Pepper and her father begin to make their way down the aisle. 

Pepper looks stunning, in a long, white gown with a sweetheart neckline, with off the shoulder, short sleeves. The veil falls down her back in a beautiful cascade. 

{cut}

The camera angle has changed to be zoomed in on Tony’s face. He’s got tears in his eyes, as Pepper’s father gives her away, and she joins him at the alter. 

{cut}

The same photo is showing, but the words have changed. 

_ The Reception _

{cut}

The camera flashes through different photos of the reception. We see the table setup, which is round tables, blue tablecloths, gold dishes, and blue and gold napkins. There are flowers in the center of the table, accompanied by candles. There are more flowers on the backs of the chairs, with names woven into them. Blue and gold silk hangs in domes on the ceiling, with blue and gold paper in chains along the walls. There’s tables of food, and the room is adorned in blue and gold balloons, paper flowers, and pom-poms. The little boxes of macarons are set out on a table near a door. 

The camera cuts to the cake, circling around it. It’s massive, with over a dozen tiers. It’s decorated with icing flowers and pearls, and a beautiful topper adorns the highest tier. Peter wasn’t lying; it is a little extra, but it’s beautiful. 

{cut}

Rhodey is standing up, reading off a paper. We only hear a piece of his speech. 

“Tony’s been my best friend since college,” he says. “When he was just a fifteen-year-old kid, too smart for his own good, and… well, I had to get him out of trouble, you know?” 

{cut}

Nat’s giving her speech. 

“The Avenger’s are very close as a team, and Pepper has always been a part of that team,” she says. “I was the first one of us to meet her, besides Tony, of course, and… and maybe I was there undercover, but we had a bond as soon as we met, and… she’s been one of my best friends ever since, she’s like a sister to me. I don’t say this often, but I love you both, and I am so happy for the both of you.” 

{cut}

It’s Peter’s turn. 

“Well, hi, everyone,” Peter’s voice cracks. It’s obvious he’s nervous. “Um, well, I only met Mr. Stark almost two years ago, when I was fourteen and… and he’d needed help with something, and for some reason, he searched me out, just kind of, showed up in my house and said he needed me, and I was totally shell-shocked and a little terrified, but I went with him and helped him out and then he offered me an internship at Stark Industries, and I started working in his lab, and everything just kind of snowballed from there, and now… I mean, I live with him now, and he’s like… I’ve never said this before, and I’m really kind of scared to, but… he’s like a dad to me, in a way I’ve only really had once before, and I… I love him a lot, and Pepper too, because they both just took me into their lives when I needed them most, and I can never repay them for that. I just… thank you both, so much, for everything you’ve done for me, and I am so thankful that I get to be a part of your lives. I love you both more than I can probably ever tell you.” 

As he sits down, the camera zooms in on Tony subtly wiping his eyes. 

{cut}

“My god, Peter!” Tony laughs, standing back to stare up at the cake. “You weren’t kidding, were you?” 

“No, I was not, Mr. Stark,” Peter grins. “I told you you’d have the most fantastical wedding cake!” 

Tony laughs harder. 

{cut}

Someone is walking the camera around the dance floor. We see Tony and Pepper dancing together, both looking the happiest they’ve ever been in their lives. Peter and MJ are dancing together, albeit a little awkwardly, but they’re both smiling and look to be having fun. Ned is standing with a girl, looking both terrified but excited, while she smiles at him. Couples fill the dance floor. Clint is standing with Laura, and Cooper, Lila, and Nathaniel stand around them, all dancing together. Overall, everyone appears to be having fun. 

The camera turns back to Tony and Pepper, as they lean in to kiss each other.

{cut}

“Here they come, here they come!” a woman shouts. 

The camera is focused on a pair of doors. People line the steps leading down from it, which lead right to a limo. As we watch, the doors open, and Tony and Pepper burst out. The people begin to scream, throwing rice and beautiful flower petals into the air as the newly married couple race down the steps, smiling and laughing. They stop for a moment at the bottom, to give Peter tight hugs and whisper something to him, before they turn, wave to everyone, and get in the car. 

The camera watches as the car drives down the road, the words  _ Just Married! _ Written on the back windshield, cans dragging along behind it. 

{cut}

Another photo shows, this one of Tony and Pepper in the middle, all the bridesmaids and groomsmen beside them, smiling brightly at the camera. Words go across the bottom, in the same script. 

_ Tony and Pepper Stark _

_ The official leaders of the Ironfam _

{end} 

[An Ironfam Wedding pictures](https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1iJfnFSlZWQElvliNatugSIXBrc466UImqgSRRVXGcU0/edit?usp=sharing)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to see the pictures I used for inspiration for this chapter, click on the link I put at the end of the chapter! It'll take you to a slideshow I made, with all the pictures and some explanations for why and how I chose them!


	12. Whisper Challenge with a Twist!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Pepper and Tony back from their honeymoon, they decide to play the Whisper Challenge, with... a bit of a surprise ending!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really on a writing kick, you guys! Hope you enjoy!

The video opens to Peter, Tony, and Pepper sitting at the kitchen table. Tony is at the head, then Peter and Pepper are next to each other on his left. 

“Hey guys!” Peter says brightly, waving at the camera. “Welcome back to the Ironfam! As you all probably know, Mr. Stark and Pepper got married about a month ago, and they got back from their honeymoon  _ last night _ . I know, right? Their honeymoon lasted  _ a month _ . It was a little insane, and I missed them like crazy, but they’re back now, so we’re going to do a video! Now, I had a different video idea, but Pepper and Mr. Stark really wanted to do this one, so it’s what we’re doing! Today, we are going to be doing the Whisper Challenge!” 

“Pepper and I saw some of these while we were gone,” Tony explains. “And we thought it could be fun, especially to see what crazy things we come up with.” 

“How this works,” Peter goes on. “Is that one of us is going to put on these headphones,” he holds them up. “And play loud music through them, so we can’t hear what’s being said to us. Then one of the others will whisper a sentence that we found on the internet, and the person with the headphones on has to guess. Each person gets to say 3 sentences. There’s no winner or prize or anything; this one’s just for fun! So, let’s get into it!”

{cut}

Tony’s wearing the headphones. 

“I’m going to say sentences to Mr. Stark, first,” Peter explains. “Some of these are… really weird, so, I hope they’re not too hard?” 

“Can you hear me?” Pepper asks Tony. 

“What?” Tony shouts. “Have we started?” 

Peter waves his hands at him. “Ready?” he asks. 

“If you just asked if I’m ready, I am,” Tony says loudly, giving a thumbs up to the camera. “Get on with it, Parker!” 

Peter laughs, and looks down at his phone, before looking back up at Tony. 

“I got bitten by paper and scissors,” he says quiety. 

Tony squints at him. “What?” he shouts. “Say that again!” 

Peter bursts out laughing, while Pepper giggles from beside him, before taking a deep breath and trying again. “I got bitten by a paper and scissors!” he says again. 

“I wanna play rock paper scissors,” Tony exclaims, reaching up to take the headphones off. 

“No, no, that’s not right!” Peter waves his hands away, laughing harder. “I got bitten by a paper and scissors,” he says slowly, over eggagerating the enunciation. 

“I bought paper scissors?” Tony says, sounding confused. “That doesn’t make sense, Peter, scissors made of paper won’t work!” 

Pepper looks to be dying of laughter, as Peter leans back in his chair, laughing and shaking his head. “No, Mr. Stark!” he exclaims. “Come on, you got this! I got bitten by a paper and scissors!” 

“I got busy?” Tony asks. “That’s a silly question, Peter, I’m always supposed to be busy and never doing any of it!” 

Peter leans in closer. “I,” he says. 

“I?” Tony asks. 

“Yes!” Peter nods. “Got.”

“Got?”

“Bitten.”

“Bitten…” 

“By.”

“By?” Tony asks. 

“Yeah. almost there!” Peter nods encouragingly. “A paper!”

“A paper?” 

“And scissors!” 

“And scissors?” Tony looks at the camera. “I got bitten by a paper and scissors?” 

“Yes!” Peter cheers, giving Tony a thumbs up. “Okay, next one! Are you ready?” He gives Tony a questioning look. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m ready, get a move on, kid!” Tony says. 

“Okay, here we go…” Peter scrolls through his phone for a moment, before giving a shout of laughter and looking up. “I have a fear of jelly tots.” 

Tony gives Peter a shocked look. “Excuse me? Peter! I thought this was a family channel!” 

Peter starts laughing again, before shrugging at the camera. “What? Jelly tots are not natural, so I think it’s perfectly normal for me to have a fear of them. Okay, Mr. Stark, listen! I have a fear of jelly tots.” 

“I have a finger of jelly tarts?” Tony asks. 

“No, no, I have a fear of jelly tots!” Peter says happily, laughing even harder. 

“I have a figure of jelly… farts?” Tony asks. 

Pepper gives a shout of laughter, while Peter hits his head on the table a few times. 

“I… have… a… fear… of… jelly… tots!” Peter says, enunciating clearly. 

“I have a fear of jelly tots!” Tony shouts. 

“Yes!” Peter says, exasperated. “Okay, last one. Um… oh, this is a good one! You moved my cheese!” 

“Evil britches,” Tony says, completely serious. 

Pepper dissolves into laughter, not even making any noise, just kind of gasping for air while her shoulders shake. Peter rolls his eyes. 

“Come on, Tony, give the kid back his cheese!” Pepper laughs. 

Tony just looks confused. 

“You moved my cheese,” Peter says, giving Tony an accusing look. “Why’d you do that, Mr. Stark?” 

“You moved my shins,” Tony says decisively. “That’s a little concerning, kid, but whatever.” 

“No, you were so close!” Peter whines. “You moved my cheese!” 

Tony stares at him blankly for a moment. “Cheese?” 

“You  _ moved _ my cheese!” 

“You moved my cheese?” 

“Yes!” Peter cheers, pulling the headphones off Tony’s head. “Finally! Who knew you were so bad at this?” 

“Oh, shut up, kid,” Tony rolls his eyes. “Move over, my turn.” 

{cut}

Pepper is now sitting at the head of the table. Tony is in Peter’s spot, and Peter is in Pepper’s. 

“Okay, Pep, ready?” Tony asks. 

“Ready!” Pepper says, just a little louder than necessary. 

“If you’re reading this,” Tony says, shaking his head slightly. “It’s too late.” 

“If you really listened you’d love me,” Pepper says. Peter laughs loudly. Pepper looks at the camera. “I mean, it’s true, you could really work on your listening skills.” 

Tony rolls his eys. “If you’re reading this,” he says, very slowly and clearly. “It’s too late.” 

“If you’re reading this it’s too late?” Pepper asks. 

“Yes!” Peter cheers. “Good job, Pepper, you’re way better at this than Mr. Stark!” 

“Oh shush,” Tony swats Peter’s head. “Next one. Your breath smells like onions every time I kiss you.” 

“Your breath smells like onions every time I kiss you,” Pepper says confidently. “That’s very rude, Tony.” 

“What?” Tony exclaims, looking offended. “How the hell did you get that so quickly?” 

“The music stopped right as you said it,” Pepper shruggs. “I heard you. Next!” 

“That’s  _ cheating _ !” Tony exclaims. 

{cut}

“I threw a walrus at your grandmother,” Tony says. 

“I threw up on grandma,” Pepper responds. “God, I hope not, that wouldn’t be good.” 

“I… threw… a… walrus… at… your… grandmother,” Tony says, ridiculously slowly. 

“I don’t like walruses or your grandma,” Pepper says, before giving a knowing look to the camera. “I mean, that’s true. His grandmother was not a very nice person.” 

“Oh, shut up,” Tony snapps jokingly. “Just because it’s true, doesn’t mean you can go around speaking ill of the dead.” 

Pepper rolls her eyes. 

“I threw a walrus at your grandmother,” Tony says again. 

“I threw a walrus at youur grandmother?” Pepper asks. “Tony, that’s not very nice!” 

“Well, you got it,” Tony gestures for her to take the headphones off, which she does. “Now it’s your turn! Here you go, Pete!” 

Tony drops the headphones into Peter’s lap. 

{cut}

Peter is now at the head of the table, with Pepper next to him, and Tony next to her. 

“Alright, Peter…” Pepper looks down at Peter’s phone in her hand. “It’s nice to have black mice.” 

“I got hit by a bus,” Peter says, sounding completely confident in his answer. “Regina George, is that you?” 

“Why have you seen Mean Girls, Peter?” Tony asks, looking confused. 

“Why have  _ you _ seen Mean Girls?” Pepper asks, turning to him. “For you to understand his reference, you’d have had to see it, too.” 

“Okay, Mean Girls is a  _ hilarious _ movie,” Tony says defensively. “I just didn’t think it was one Peter would have seen. No need to get all accusatory.” 

“Guys!” Peter shouts. “Come on!” 

“Okay, okay,” Pepper turns back to Peter. “It’s nice to have black mice.” 

“I guess I gotta drive a black bus?” Peter asks. 

“No,” Pepper laughs. “It’s not about a bus, okay Peter? No bus! It’s nice to have black mice.” 

“It’s nessy grabbing a black… bus,” Peter says, looking sheepish. 

Tony and Pepper both roll their eyes. “You’re ridiculous, Pete,” Tony sighs. 

“It’s…” Pepper says, trying to go one word at a time. 

“Eeeeeeeee?” Peter shrieks questioningly. 

“Oh my god, Peter,” Tony rolls his eyes. “You are the weirdest kid I know.” 

“It’s nice to have black mice,” Pepper says, slowly and clearly, over egaggerating her mouth shapes. 

“That’s a nice kiss on black mice?” Peter asks, looking confused. “I don’t kiss mice, Pepper, sorry.” 

Pepper rolls her eyes. “It’s… nice… to… have… black… mice.”

“It’s nice to have black mice?” Peter asks. 

“Yes, Peter!” Pepper cheers. “Next one. The low light looks a little gloomy.” 

“It’s a little gloopy?” Peter asks. “Ew, gloopy. That’s such a weird word.” 

“The low light looks a little gloomy,” Pepper says again. 

“The low light looks a little gloomy,” Peter looks at Tony apologetically. “Sorry, Mr. Stark, the song changed right when she talked. I guess I’m a cheater.” 

“Yes, you are,” Tony snaps jokingly. “You and Pepper both are. My whole family are cheaters.” 

“Oh, hush, Tony,” Pepper says. She gives him a look, and he settles down. “Okay, last one, Peter,” she says. “I’m going to be a big brother.” 

Peter gives her a blank look, completely confused. “I’ve got a pig for uncle mother?” 

Pepper laughs lightly. “No, Peter. I’m going to be a big brother.” 

Peter still looks confused. “I’ve got a pig and funky weather. This doesn’t make sense, Pepper! What are you saying to me?” he shrieks, throwing his head back dramatically. 

“I’m… going… to… be… a… big… brother!” Pepper exclaims, once Peter’s looking at her again. 

“I’ve been a big bother,” Peter says, before gasping and pressing a hand on his chest, giving Tony an offended look. “Mr. Stark! You said I could never bother you!” 

“You’re bothering me now,” Tony says, laughing. “Come on, Pete, try again.” 

“I’m going to be a big brother,” Pepper says. 

“I’m going to be a big brother,” Peter says. 

“Yes!” Pepper nods. 

“Did I get it?” Peter asks. “I got it? Yay!” 

He reaches up and takes off the headphones. Tony and Pepper share exasperated looks, as it appears that Peter did not understand the message. 

“Peter,” Tony says, looking at him seriously. “Say the sentence again, and really think about it.” 

Peter gives Tony a strange look. “I’m going to be a big brother? What, does it mean something?” 

“Peter,” Pepper says gently, reaching out and grabbing his hand. “You’re going to be a big brother. You.” 

Peter looks at her for a moment. “I’m going to be…” realization seems to hit. “...a big brother? I’m going to be a big brother? You’re  _ pregnant _ ?” he shrieks, leaping to his feet. 

“Yes!” Pepper nods. “Yes, Peter, I’m pregnant.” 

“Oh my god!” Peter shouts. “Oh my god, you’re pregnant!” 

Tony and Pepper share a worried look, as they can’t tell if he’s excited or not. 

“Yes…” They say in unison, sounding cautious. 

“This is the best day of my  _ life _ !” Peter shouts, jumping up and down. “Oh my god, is it a boy or a girl? Do you know yet? It doesn’t matter, I’m going to be the  _ best _ big brother in the world! Oh my god!” 

Peter suddenly sits back down on the table, and drops his head into his arms. He appears to be crying. “Oh my god,” he says again, looking up, his eyes teary. “There’s… there’s a  _ baby _ .  _ Inside _ of you! I’m gonna… I’m gonna be a big brother!” 

Pepper and Tony both stand up and hug him tightly. 

“Yes, you are,” Tony says softly. “And you are going to be the best big brother ever.” 

{cut}

It’s just Tony and Pepper, sitting at the table together now. 

“Well,” Tony says. “YouTube is the fist media platform to hear the big news, so I hope you all feel honored. The Ironfam is having a baby!” 

“Peter’s a little… emotional about it,” Pepper explains. “So Tony and I are going to do the outtro.”

“We hope you enjoyed this video,” Tony says, having memorized Peter’s outtro. “Like and subscribe if you want to see more of… this. See you all next time!” 

{end}

 

ILoveYou3000: Oh my god, a baby! I’m so excited! I hope it’s a girl!

SunflowersandIrises: Congratulations! I’m so excited for you all!

IronfamFan: This was so cute and funny! Congratulations, all of you, and I can’t wait to meet baby Stark!

DoritoGod: #Irondad for  _ real _ this time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did look it up, and some pregnancy tests can tell you up to eight days after conception if you're pregnant or not. So, if we're going with the conception was just a few days after the wedding, then Pepper would be almost a month pregnant at this point.


	13. Blindfolded Makeup Challenge

The video opens to Peter and Tony sitting at the kitchen counter, a straight line of makeup spread in front of them. Tony looks annoyed and resigned; Peter looks thrilled. 

“Hello everyone, welcome back to the Ironfam!” he exclaims. “So, first of all, Mr. Stark and Pepper would like to thank you all for the congratulations on their pregnancy, and, from some of you, name suggestions! It’s still a little early, but I’ve read all the comments, and there are some good names in there, so thanks for those! And for those of you asking; don’t worry, I’ll let you know the gender as soon as I know!” 

“Are we going to actually do this video?” Tony asks. 

“Yes, Mr. Stark, chill,” Peter says. “I’ve just got to inform the Ironfam about what’s going on with Baby Stark!” 

“Please don’t turn that into a thing,” Tony sighs. 

“It’s already a thing, Mr. Stark, and I didn’t make it,” Peter shrugs. “Someone commented it, and I loved it, so now it’s a thing. Now, let’s move on, and get this show on the road!” 

{cut}

“Today,” Peter says. “We are doing the blindfolded makeup challenge! I’m going to be blindfolded, and Mr. Stark is going to sit here patiently and let me put makeup on him! This one was MJ’s idea… so let’s all say thanks to MJ, who’s behind the camera, for getting us to do this video!” 

“If you stab my eye out,” Tony threatens. “I’m sueing you.” 

“I live with you,” Peter says, making a face at Tony. “You’d just be sueing yourself, as I don’t have a job. Or money.” 

“You do too,” Tony objects. “What, you think I don’t pay you for the internship? It’s in your bank account.” 

“I have a _bank account_ -?” 

{cut}

“Okay!” Peter picks up like nothing happened. He holds up a pink, fluffy sleeping mask. “I’m going to put this on, and we’re going to start! Ready, Mr. Stark?” 

“As I’ll ever be,” Tony sighs. “On goes the blindfold.” 

Peter slips the mask over his eyes. He reaches out in front of him, and grabs the first makeup item in the line. 

“So first,” he says. “We have concealer, which I’m just going to…” he pulls a small makeup wand out of the tube of concealer, and dots it around Tony’s face, narrowly missing his eyes, which are tightly shut. “Alright…” he says, feeling around. His hands land on a sponge. “Now, I believe I use this to blend it in.”

Peter rubbed the sponge around Tony’s face, missing most of the concealer and just smearing around that that he did get. He drops the sponge onto the table, and grabes a foundation stick. 

“Now, this is foundation,” Peter explains, pulling the lid off. “I’m not sure how this works, but I’m just gonna kind of… put it on his face…” 

He draws lines all over Tony’s face with the foundation stick. He sets the stick down, grabs Tony’s face in his hands, rubs for a moment, then pats his cheeks and moves on. 

“Alright, now that we’ve got all the blemishes covered…” Peter says, feeling around on the table. “I think it’s time for powder.” 

He finds the powder and opens it. He sticks his hand into the powder, and pouts slightly. 

“I thought there was supposed to be a pouffe?” He says questioningly. 

Tony shrugs. “I know nothing about makeup, kid.” 

“Well…” Peter hesitates, before shrugging. “On it goes, I guess.” 

Peter takes the container of powder, lifts it up, and jerks his hand forward, effectively throwing all the powder at Tony. Who, unfortunately, had just opened his mouth to ask what Peter was doing. As such, he began violently coughing and gagging. 

“Oh, was your mouth open?” Peter asks. “Sorry.” 

Tony turns and looks directly into the camera. He looks quite like a clown now; MJ snorts loudly, and begins laughing uncontrollably. 

“Hey, don’t mock my work!” Peter objects, sounding offended. 

“Sorry, sorry,” MJ says, trying and failing to stifle her laughter. 

Peter huffs, and reaches his hand out again. “Next is highlight. I’ve got this kind of stick, roller thing, and I’m pretty sure it goes on the cheekbones and down the bridge of the nose, so… I hope I put it in the right spot?” 

Peter opens the highlight and smears a thick, horrifically bright line across the middle of Tony’s cheeks, and then straight down his face, going through his forehead, down his nose, across his mouth, and through his chin. 

Tony sighs. “I think your placement was a little off there, bud.” 

Peter shrugs. “Oh well. I’m sure you’ll look fine.” 

Tony looks directly into the camera again, and MJ starts laughing again. 

“MJ, if you cannot stop disrupting my artwork, I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” Peter says seriously, turning his face towards her. It looks as though he’s trying to give her a stern look. 

“Sorry!” MJ says. “I’m sorry, I’ll be quiet.” 

Peter turns back to Tony. 

“Now, it’s time for the eyes,” he says, feeling around the table. “Pepper wouldn’t let me use eyeliner, for some reason, so all we’ve got is eyeshadow and mascara. We do, however, have an eyebrow pencil, but I think we’ll do that once I’m done with the eyes.” 

“Eyeliner is expensive,” MJ begins explaining. “And it’s very difficlult for girls to do when they’re not blindfolded and know what they’re doing, so Pepper and I thought it was best for you to _not_ try to do that on Tony.” 

“Oh,” Peter thinks for a moment. “Yeah, that was probably smart. Alright, let’s just get on with eyeshadow.” 

Peter opens an expensive looking pallate, and just sticks his finger into one of the colors. He reaches his hand out and dabs it around Tony’s eyelids, miraculously landing in the right place. He then picks up the mascara, pulls the wand out, and brushes gently around Tony’s hairline. As he goes to put it away, MJ stops him.

“You know, most girls put a little on their bottom lashes, too,” she says, her voice full of suppressed laughter. 

Tony turns to glare at her. 

“Oh, right!” Peter picks the mascara up again and dabs it around Tony’s jawline, brushing it through the bottom of his beard. 

“I hate you all so much right now,” Tony sighs. “This is going to be on the internet for everyone to see. Forever. It’ll never go away. This his terrible. I hate everything.” 

“Oh, relax, Mr. Stark, I’m sure you look fantastic,” Peter brushes him off. “I’ve just got to do the eyebrows now, and then we’re done.” 

Peter picks up the pencil, takes the cap off, and draws long, thick eyebrows into the middle of Tony’s forehead. He almost gets the general shape correct, but then he keeps going, making them larger and thicker, until it mostly looks like someone took a sharpie and doodled on Tony’s forehead. 

“Alright!” Peter says, adding one last touch, before putting the pencil down. “I’m finished! Can I take the blindfold off, now? 

“If you must,” Tony sighs, sounding resigned to his fate. 

Peter reaches up and yanks the mask off. Immediately, his hands go to his mouth, as he starts laughing uncontrollably. 

“Oh my god, Mr. Stark!” he shrieks. “This is amazing, hold on, I’ll be right back, don’t move…” 

He sprins away. 

{cut}

Peter’s sliding back into his seat, holding his phone. He holds it up. 

“Smile, Mr. Stark!” Peter says brightly. 

Tony glares, deadpan, at Peter’s phone. After a moment, Peter lowers it, and begins tapping at the screen. 

“And… there!” Peter turns his phone around to show Tony. “It’s now been posted!” 

“I swear to god, kid, you’re going to kill me,” Tony groans, dropping his head onto the counter. “This was horrible. I hate everything.” 

“You already said that,” Peter says, sounding overly cheerful. He turns back to the camera. “Alright, well, that’s it for today’s video! Like and subscribe if you want to see more of… this. Also if you want updates about Baby Stark! Bye!” 

He and Tony both wave at the camera; Peter’s cheerful, while Tony looks to be plotting murder.

{cut}

 

Comments:

#### Reidseeker: This was amazing! Tony looked so done!

#### Re12re: So funny! 

#### Kkiyomizu: I love watching Peter ruin Tony’s reputation, one video at a time. 

**DoritoGod: #IronDad**

  
  
  



	14. Peter's 16th Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Pepper have a special surprise for Peter's birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all like cats

The video opens to a close-up of Tony’s face, as he sets the camera up and backs away. 

“Okay,” he says, taking a deep breath. “So, today is Peter’s sixteenth birthday, and Pepper and I… have a bit of a special surprise for him. As most of you know, Pepper is pregnant, and we told Peter by telling him he was going to be a big brother.” 

{cut}

_“I’m going to be a big brother,” Pepper says._

_“I’m going to be a big brother,” Peter says._

_“Yes!” Pepper nods._

_“Did I get it?” Peter asks. “I got it? Yay!”_

_He reaches up and takes off the headphones. Tony and Pepper share exasperated looks, as it appears that Peter did not understand the message._

_“Peter,” Tony says, looking at him seriously. “Say the sentence again, and really think about it.”_

_Peter gives Tony a strange look. “I’m going to be a big brother? What, does it mean something?”_

_“Peter,” Pepper says gently, reaching out and grabbing his hand. “You’re going to be a big brother. You.”_

_Peter looks at her for a moment. “I’m going to be…” realization seems to hit. “...a big brother? I’m going to be a big brother? You’re pregnant?” he shrieks, leaping to his feet._

_“Yes!” Pepper nods. “Yes, Peter, I’m pregnant.”_

_“Oh my god!” Peter shouts. “Oh my god, you’re pregnant!”_

_Tony and Pepper share a worried look, as they can’t tell if he’s excited or not._

_“Yes…” They say in unison, sounding cautious._

_“This is the best day of my life!” Peter shouts, jumping up and down. “Oh my god, is it a boy or a girl? Do you know yet? It doesn’t matter, I’m going to be the best big brother in the world! Oh my god!”_

_Peter suddenly sits back down on the table, and drops his head into his arms. He appears to be crying. “Oh my god,” he says again, looking up, his eyes teary. “There’s… there’s a baby. Inside of you! I’m gonna… I’m gonna be a big brother!”_

_Pepper and Tony both stand up and hug him tightly._

_“Yes, you are,” Tony says softly. “And you are going to be the best big brother ever.”_

{cut}

“And that brought on a lot of questions from all of you, wondering if Peter was my son.” Tony says. “And… he’s not. Until… almost a year ago, he would come over here all the time, but he lived with his aunt. But a while ago, Peter’s aunt was in a car accident, and… she didn’t make it. So he came to live with me, and Pep and I took temporary guardianship of him. And Peter’s been trying really hard to act as though things are normal. He kept making these videos, he kept going to school, hanging out with his friends… but I know he still feels like he’s intruding, because all the papers and stuff label me as his ‘temporary guardian.’ So…” 

Tony lifts up a packet of paper. 

“I think it’s time to take the ‘temporary’ off of that title. And, you know, if he wants… formally adopt him. So Pepper and I were talking it over, and we thought… what better time than his birthday? So we’ve sent him out with Natasha for the day, and we’re going to throw him a surprise party. And once all the gifts and things are opened, we’re going to bring this out and give it to him, and… see what happens. So… yeah. Let’s get cracking.” 

{cut}

Peter and Natasha are standing outside, by a busy street. 

“Hey guys, welcome back to the Ironfam!” Peter says excitedly. “So, today is my sixteenth birthday, and first, a lot of you guys have been commenting on my social media, telling me happy birthday and stuff, and I just… thanks, guys! I’m not actually sure how you all knew, but whatever. It’s nice!”

“I feel like you should be more concerned that they all know your birthday,” Natasha says. 

Peter shrugs. “Eh, whatever. I don’t care all that much. Anyway,” he turns back to the camera. “Mr. Stark sent me out ‘grocery shopping’ with Nat, and he’s trying to make me think that he and Pepper and everyone forgot it’s my birthday, but Nat told me happy birthday as soon as we got out here, and also, I know he set an alarm on his phone just to make sure he didn’t forget. Plus, he had to write it down, like, a million times when I came to live with him, so… I’m pretty sure he knows when it is. Which means he and Pepper are probably doing something secret up there that I’m not supposed to know about, but… that’s their fault. They should be more sneaky.” 

“Give them a little credit,” Natasha says, laughing lightly. “They’re trying.” 

“Yes, I know they’re trying,” Peter says. “And I think that is very nice of them, and I am very excited to see what they come up with. I was merely pointing out that I don’t know they’re doing something because I snooped, I know because they’re not sneaky.” 

“Alright, fine,” Natasha rolls her eyes. “Why don’t you just tell them what we’re doing today?” 

“Well, Mr. Stark told us to go grocery shopping, which we’re gonna do,” Peter informs the camera. “But first, we’re going to go get lunch and ice cream, and then we’re gonna go check out this farmer’s market that’s happening in this little park a couple blocks over. Then we’ll get the groceries Mr. Stark told us to get, and that should be enough time for them to do whatever it is they’re doing. So, let’s get a move on!”

{cut}

“So,” Tony says, walking down a hallway. “The whole team is in the tower today, except for Thor, he’s off doing something on Asgard or something, and Wanda and Vision are off doing whatever weird couple things they do. But I’ve got Steve, Bruce, Clint, Sam, Bucky, and Scott here. I’m not sure why Scott’s here, he really doesn’t know Peter, but whatever, help is nice. Plus, I think he’s brought Cassie, and Peter will be thrilled to meet her, he loves kids. I’m heading down to the living room right now, Pepper and Steve just got back with a bunch of decorations. We’re going with a Star Wars theme, because Peter loves Star Wars. Ned and MJ will be here any minute, they’re gonna help set up, too. Natasha just texted me, she says they’re going to lunch, ice cream, a farmer’s market, and then grocery shopping, so we’ve got four hours, tops. Peter’s a fast shopper, he doesn’t like shopping, and he’s a fast eater. So, we’ve got to get started!” 

{cut}

“We’re at Delmar’s!” Peter exclaims, leaning back to show the sandwich shop. “This is my favorite place, can you believe Natasha’s never been here? I used to go here every day after school, but then there was that mishap with Spider-Man and those robbers, so they had to rebuild it, but it reopened last week! Anyway, in we go!” 

Natasha goes in first, Peter close behind. 

“Hello, Mr. Parker!” Mr. Delmar calls from behind the counter. 

“Hey, Mr. Delmar!” Peter exclaims. 

“A number five?” Delmar asks. 

“Yes, and with pickles, and can you smoosh it down real flat? Thanks,” Peter smiles. 

“And what will the lady take?” Delmar asks. 

“I’ll have same as Peter, but not ‘smooshed,’” Natasha says. 

“So, Parker,” Delmar says, as he begins making one of the sandwiches. “What’s with the camera? You taking surveillance of my shop?” 

“Oh no, no, I’m just making a YouTube video,” Peter explains. “It’s my birthday today, and Mr. Stark kicked us out of the tower, so I’m just filming what me and Natasha do while we wait to be allowed back in.” 

“Ah, happy birthday,” Delmar says, handing him two bags. “Have a good day, you two!” 

“Thanks!” Peter waves, as he and Natasha leave the shop. 

{cut}

Steve, MJ, and Ned are visible on camera, wrapping presents. 

“Steve, would you handing me the ******* ribbon?” Tony snaps from off camera. 

“Would you be patient?” Steve snaps back. 

“Hi, I’m Captain America,” MJ and Ned say in perfect unison, their tones mocking. “Here to talk to you about one of the most valuable traits a soldier or student can have: patience.”  

“ _Excuse me?”_ Tony and Steve exclaim together. 

“Sometimes patience is the key to victory,” Ned says, wisely. 

“And sometimes it leads to very little,” MJ continues, nodding sagely. 

“Where did you hear that?” Steve asks, horrified. 

“Oh, they play it at school all the time,” MJ shrugs, going back to the package she was wrapping. “Every student has a ton memorized because they won’t _turn them off_.” 

“So, you got detention,” Ned says, his voice even more mocking than before. “Maybe you thought you were being cool.” 

“But take it from a guy who was frozen for sixty-five years,” MJ sneers next to him. “The only way to really be cool… is to follow the rules.” 

“Steve, why is this the first I’m hearing of this?” Tony asks, coming into view, sounding massively offended. 

“Because you were never supposed to know!” Steve says, his voice filled with panic. “How many of those have you seen?” 

“All of them.” MJ and Ned say in unison. 

“Pepper!” Tony shouts. “You have to add something to tonight's agenda! We are watching every Captain America PSA _ever_!” 

Steve groans. 

{cut} 

“We just finished getting ice cream,” Peter says, as he and Natasha walk down the street. “We’re on our way to the market.”

{cut}

“Hey, we met some fans!” Peter says brightly, turning the camera to show two teenage girls. “This is Caitlyn, and this is Isabelle!”

The girls wave at the camera. 

“So, um, Peter…” Isabelle says slowly. “Can I, um… can I have your phone number?” 

Peter turns bright red, while Natasha laughs. 

{cut}

The camera is on MJ and Sam, standing on stools to hang a banner that says ‘Happy Birthday Peter!’ above the windows. 

“SCOTT!” Steve bellows from the kitchen. “GET YOUR ******* ANTS OUT OF THE ******* KITCHEN! THEY’RE ******** ALL OVER THE CAKE!” 

MJ starts laughing. 

{cut}

“You know,” Natasha says teasingly. “I think she was really into you. She looked so disappointed when you  wouldn’t give her your number.” 

“Yeah, well…” Peter hesitates, still very red. “The only girl I want to have my number already has it, so....” 

“Oh,” Natasha nods knowingly. “Is it Michelle?” 

Peter turns, if possible, redder. “Pfft,” he scoffs, his face contorting with dishonesty. “No. Where on earth did you get that idea? Pfft. Michelle.” 

Natasha tries to hold back a grin. “Oh, of course. Silly me.” 

{cut}

MJ is sitting in front of a computer, looking directly into the camera, a pair of headphones on. 

“You know, Peter,” she says, laughing lightly. “You’re a really terrible liar. And you seem to have forgotten that I edit these videos. Wonder how long it’ll take him to see this. Nobody tell him.” 

{cut}

“Would someone take this dog out of here?” Clint yells, stalking past the camera, holding Lady out in front of him. “She’s crawling all over the decorations and she keeps trying to play with my present for Peter!” 

“I’ll take her!” Cassie shrieks, sprinting over and taking Lady from Clint. “Come on, Lady, let’s get away from the big mean man and go play on the roof.” 

“Cassie!” Scott yells from off camera. “Do not take that dog onto the roof! Go play with her in Peter’s room!” 

“Okay, okay,” Cassie yells back, huffing. “Come on Lady.” 

She sets Lady down and walks away, Lady happily trotting after her. 

{cut}

“Natasha, look at this!” Peter exclaims, standing at a table at the market. 

Natasha looks up from the display she was looking at, and walks over to Peter. 

“Look, look!” Peter says, excitedly holding up an action figure. “They’ve got one of you! And of everyone else, but look! It’s you!” 

Natasha smiles. “It’s a very artistic rendering, too.” 

“I know, right?” Peter says, smiling brightly. “We should get one. We should buy one of all of them. Everyone on the team needs to have an action figure of themselves. Oh my _god_ , they have a _Spider-Man_ -” 

{cut}

“They’re back!” Tony shouts, running into the living room, where everyone is gathered. “They’re back, everyone hide!” 

Everyone immediately scatters from the living room. Lady runs around, barking madly, as Tony turns the lights off and crouches behind the couch with part of the team. 

“Lady, shut up!” Clint hisses. 

Lady barks a few more times, before she quiets down. 

The elevator dings, and Peter’s voice carries into the room. 

“I can’t wait to show everyone their action figure,” he’s saying. “I think they’ll all like them, especially Mr. Stark, but-” 

He enters the living room and turns on the light. He blinks for a moment, stunned by the over-the-top decorations, before everyone leaps up. 

“Surprise!” They all yell. 

Peter puts on a very fake looking surprised face. “Wow! A surprise party? I had _no idea_!” 

“What?” Tony asks, pouting slightly. “How’d you know? We were so careful! Natasha, did you tell him what we were doing?” 

“No, she didn’t,” Peter shakes his head. “You guys just aren’t very sneaky. I saw you set the alarm to remind you the night before my birthday, Mr. Stark. Plus, you’re too nice to forget someone’s birthday.” 

Tony scowls. “Fine. Well, come enjoy your not-surprise party.” 

“This is _amazing_ , though!” Peter says enthusiastically. “Everything looks awesome!” 

{cut}

Everyone is sitting in a circle on the floor in the living room, a plate of cake in their laps, a wrapped gift in front of them. 

“We’re going to go around the circle,” Tony explains. “Everyone’s going to give you their gift.” 

“You know you all didn’t have to get me anything,” Peter says, looking a little awkward. “Really, just the party is… is amazing, you didn’t have to do anything else.” 

“Yeah, well, we wanted to,” MJ says, dropping a box into Peter’s lap. “Just open your presents and be happy like a normal teenager, loser.” 

Peter grins at her, and unwraps her present. 

“Oh my _god_ ,” he breathes, staring down into the box. 

“What is it, Peter?” Tony asks. 

Peter pulls another box out of the original one, but this one has a picture of some high-tech, fancy camera on the side. 

“This is exactly the one I’ve wanted!” Peter exclaims. “How did you-?” 

“Well, you told me you like photography,” MJ shrugs. “And I sort of snooped through your phone when you went to the bathroom a few days ago, to figure out which camera you liked.” 

“I love it, MJ, thank you!” Peter says, reaching out and giving her a hug. When he pulls away, he’s gone a little pink. He catches Natasha’s eye, who smirks at him, and he turns redder, turning away from her. 

{cut}

Tony hands Peter a very small box, which Peter takes, and very carefully pulls the wrapping paper off of. It turns out to be a small, velvet box, like a fancy necklace would come in. Slowly, Peter opens it, and reveals a car fob. 

“Keys?” Peter asks, giving Tony a questioning look. 

“Think about it, Pete,” Pepper says, grinning. “What would a key like that go to?” 

“Mr. Stark, you _did not_.” Peter exclaims. 

“He did,” Clint says brightly. “It’s bright red and it’s down in the garage.” 

“Mr. Stark, I don’t… I don’t even know how to drive!” Peter says, but he looks delighted. 

“Well, then I’ll just have to teach you, won’t I?” Tony shrugs. “Come on, kid, don’t fight me on this, okay? I wanted to do it, and I can see you’re excited about it, so… just take it.” 

Peter gives him a sheepish look. “Alright. Thank you _so much_ , Mr. Stark!” 

{cut}

Peter unwraps a large box from Ned, which turns out to be-

“A litter box?” Peter asks, giving Ned a strange look. 

Ned shrugs. “Eh. You never know, it could come in handy.” 

Peter gives him an even stranger, confused look. “...thanks? I think?” 

{cut}

There’s a timelapse of Peter opening a cat bed, scratching posts, cat foot, kitty litter, and various cat toys from everyone else. 

{cut}

The time lapse ends with Clint handing Peter a large box, with a removable lid. Peter carefully takes the box into his lap, and opens it. Immediately, he gasps, and reaches inside to pull out a tiny white kitten.

“Barton, you did not,” Tony gasps, looking at the cat. 

“What?” Clint asks innocently. “Did you not see everyone else’s presents? It was a team effort! Only you and Pepper didn’t know about it, and MJ had already gotten the camera.” 

“Oh my god, it’s so cute!” Peter exclaims. “Is it a boy or a girl?” 

“It’s a little girl,” Clint explains. “She’s a balinese, about nine weeks old.” 

“Her eyes are so blue,” Peter whispers, cradling her in his arms. “And she’s so tiny. I love her so much! Oh my god, everything else makes so much more sense, I was so confused! Thank you so much, everyone, this is the greatest birthday ever!” 

“Do you know what you’re going to name her?” Natasha asks. 

“I’m going to name her…” Peter holds the cat up, looking into her eyes, a thoughtful look on his face. “Chloe.” 

Everyone laughs lightly, surprised. 

“Why Chloe?” Tony asks. 

Peter shrugs. “I dunno,” he says. “I just like that name. And it fits her.” 

{cut}

Peter is sitting at the kitchen table, playing a card game with the team. MJ is cradling Chloe, while Lady is sleeping in Peter’s lap. Tony is holding the camera, as he and Pepper enter. 

“Peter?” Tony says, setting the camera down on the counter so everyone is visible. “Pepper and I have one last thing we want to give you.” 

“No!” Peter groans good-naturedly. “You all have already given me too much!” 

“One last thing,” Tony promises. He and Pepper sit down next to Peter, and Tony pulls a folder out from behind his back, and sets it on the table in front of Peter. 

“What’s this?” Peter asks, giving Tony a strange look.

“Well, open it and find out,” Tony nudges him. “Go on.” 

Peter slowly opens the folder, and lifts out the first paper. “It’s a form…” he says slowly, looking at Tony questioningly. “It’s some sort of form?” 

“Read the top, honey,” Pepper says gently. 

Peter looks back at the paper. “Report of adoption...” he reads. He stares at it for a moment longer, before he drops the paper, folds his arms, and puts his head in them. His shoulders start shaking; it’s apparent that he’s crying. 

Tony and Pepper sit in terrified silence for a moment, before Tony gently rests a hand on Peter’s back. 

“Peter…?” he says hesitantly. 

Lady jumps from Peter’s lap as he turns, throwing himself onto Tony, wrapping his arms around his neck and sobbing into his shoulder. Tony sits still, shocked, for a moment, before he wraps his arms around Peter. Peter looks up for a moment, tears streaming down his face, to reach out and pull Pepper into the hug, before his face returns to Tony’s shoulder. 

“I love you, so much, kid,” Tony says quietly. “And… if you want to, we want you to officially be our son. You don’t have to change your last name or anything, but you can, if you want, and… you’ve always been our family, Pete, we just wanted to make it official.” 

Peter begins saying things that are incoherent, but ‘I love you’ can be heard repeatedly. 

{cut}

Peter, Tony, Pepper, Lady, and Chloe are sitting on the couch in the living room. Peter is between Tony and Pepper, who both have an arm around him. Both animals have squished themselves into Peter’s lap. There are still tears on Peter’s face. 

“Well…” Peter says, wiping his cheeks. “That happened.” 

Tony and Pepper laugh. 

“I’ve already decided,” Peter continues. “In case any of you were wondering, that Parker is going to become part of my middle name, and Stark is going to be my official last name. And I just… this has been the best birthday ever, you guys! Thank you so much to everyone who was involved, and I just… I’m officially going to be Baby Stark’s brother, you guys. I’m so excited.” 

Tony laughs. 

“So…” Peter continues. “Like and subscribe if you all want to see more of… this. You’ll see Chloe in future videos, and eventually, a Baby Stark gender reveal! See you all later!”

{cut}

 

Comments: 

PeterParkerFan001: This was sooo cute! Peter with the action figures, and then his crush on MJ, and Chloe, and then the adoption papers… I’m overwhelmed with cuteness! I’m dying!

IronFam27: Gah, so cute!

KittyKatrina: I was already in love with Lady, and now we’ve got Chloe??? Plus some wholesome family fluff. This is my favorite YouTube channel!

DoritoGod: #Irondad


	15. Gross Cupcake Challenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually saw this video on YouTube, on the channel rclbeauty101. It was really funny, you should check it out! And all the other videos she's done, especially with Jeana. They're hilarious.

The video opens to Peter and Tony sitting at the kitchen counter. 

“Hey guys!” Peter exclaims. “Welcome back to the Ironfam! Today, I’m here with Mr. Stark, and we are doing the gross cupcake challenge!” 

“Oh, god,” Tony sighs. “Another gross food challenge.”

“Mr. Stark, you agreed to this beforehand.” 

“Did I? I prefer to call it coerced.” 

{cut}

Anyway,” Peter continues. “I saw this video on YouTube awhile ago, and I thought it would be super fun for Mr. Stark and I to do it, too! How this challenge works is that each of us is going to get a cupcake under a cover. One of them is going to be a normal, beautiful cake mix cupcake. The other one is also a beautiful cake mix cupcake, but this time, there’s something totally nasty on top of it. Are you ready Mr. Stark?” 

“As I’ll ever be,” Tony shrugs. “Alright, let’s get on with the video.” 

{cut}

“So, we don’t actually know what the things are,” Peter explains. “We sent our friends out to find the toppings, so… let’s hope they don’t hate us.

“Peter, we sent out Ned, MJ, Natasha, and Clint,” Tony says exasperatedly. “Past experiences show that they pretty much hate us.” 

“That’s true,” Peter nods. “Last time Clint was involved in picking the foods, he was basically trying to kill us.”  

{cut}

_ Peter closes his eyes and sticks his hand into the bowl of paper. When he withdraws it, he unfolds it and shows it to the camera. "Eight. So now, we've just got to... find... the bag..."  _

_ He stands up, checking all the bags, until Tony drops one in front of him.  _

_ "Here," he says.  _

_ Peter takes a deep breath, before reaching into the bag and pulling out a plate. On the plate is a white-ish, brown-ish meat.  _

_ "Ew," Peter says, wrinkling his nose. "It's salmon."  _

_ Tony looks at someone behind the camera. "Are you kidding me?" he asks. "We are both allergic to fish, Barton. What the hell."  _

_ Someone, presumably Clint, is laughing behind the camera.  _

{cut}

“If you gave either of us fish, Barton, I swear, I’ll kill you,” Tony threatens. 

“Mr. Stark, I’m not going to let you kill Clint,” Peter says. 

“Yeah, Tony, listen to your kid,” Clint’s voice says from behind the camera. “Also, it’s  _ technically _ not a fish, so I will be holding you to your exact wording.” 

“Oh my god,” Tony sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “We’re gonna die. These stupid YouTube videos are gonna kill me.” 

“We’ll be fine, Mr. Stark, we’re allowed to spit it out,” Peter says, before turning back to the camera and smiling brightly. “So, now that everything’s explained, let’s get on with it!” 

{cut}

Two plates covered with a silver dome are slid in front of Peter and Tony, who each grab one. 

“Cheers,” Peter says, tapping his plate against Tony’s, before pulling the cover off. “Oh, good, I’ve got the good one.” 

Tony’s staring at his cupcake. “It looks like… jelly.” 

Tony’s cupcake is covered in a blue, sparkly, jelly-like substance. He picks it up and sniffs it. 

“Come on, Mr. Stark, take a bite!” Peter exclaims around a mouthful of his cupcake. 

“Easy for you to say, you don’t have to eat the mystery jelly!” Tony snaps halfheartedly, but he picks the cupcake up again and brings it to his mouth. Taking a deep breath, he takes a large bite and chews slowly for a moment, before his mouth falls open. 

“What is it?” Peter asks, staring at Tony. “Do you know what it is?” 

Tony picks up a bucket from the floor beside him and spits his mouthful out into it, but the blue jelly is still in and around his mouth. 

“Ew!” He exclaims. “That’s toothpaste! That’s like… a **** load of toothpaste!” 

“Do you want some orange juice to get the taste out of your mouth?” Peter asks innocently. 

Tony turns to glare at him, but the effect is ruined by the fact that his mouth is still surrounded by blue sparkles. 

{cut}

Tony is wiping his face with a paper towel. He sets the towel down, and glares behind the camera. 

“Right off the bat, I get the bad one?” he asks accusingly. “Why couldn’t you at least start with Peter?” 

“Because,” Clint’s voice says defensively. “That’s mint toothpaste, and your child is deathly allergic to mint. You want us to kill him?” 

“Didn’t stop you from trying to feed him salmon,” Tony grumbles, shoving the plate away from him. “Just give us the next cupcake.” 

{cut}

Peter trills his lips, as Tony sighs. 

“You know,” Peter says, straightening and looking at Tony. “Toothpaste really isn’t that bad. It could have been much worse.” 

“They’re just lying in wait,” Tony says, squinting suspiciously behind the camera. “It’s going to get real bad, kid, just you wait.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Peter deflates slightly. “I was just trying to be optimistic. Do you think they’re going to make me eat worms again?” 

Tony shrugs. “Anything’s possible.” 

Peter groans. 

{cut}

The plates reenter the frame. Peter takes a deep breath. 

“Ready, Mr. Stark?” he asks, grabbing the handle on top of the cover. 

“No,” Tony says, before sighing. “I mean, yeah, I guess I kind of have to be…” 

They remove the covers at the same time. 

“Oh, yes!” Tony cheers. “I know I got the good one, because mine looks like chocolate and yours looks like dirt!” 

“It is dirt,” Peter says, leaning forward to sniff it carefully. “It’s a giant pile of dirt. I hope you guys didn’t get this from the dog park down the street, because that would be really gross.” 

Peter picks up the cupcake and takes a large bite out of it. As he tentatively chews, a loud crunching sound comes from his mouth. 

“Gross, dirt’s crunchy?” Tony asks, giving Peter a disgusted look. 

“What, you never ate dirt as a kid?” Clint’s voice asks. 

“No!” Tony exclaims. “What, has everyone else here eaten dirt at some point?” 

There are general affirmative noises, except from Natasha. 

“I did not,” she says. “But that’s because I never really went outside except for when I was sent on missions.” 

There’s awkward silence for a moment. 

“Alrighty, well…” Peter finally breaks the silence. “Let’s go on to the next one!”

{cut}

“Wait,” Tony says. “I never saw you spit out the dirt.” 

“Oh, I didn’t,” Peter shrugs. “You all were preoccupied, and I just swallowed it. Not that bad, really. Kind of reminds me of before I lived with… with May and Ben. I used to make mud pies all the time, and my dad would sit down with me and we would eat them. Kind of gross, now that I think about it, and weird, but whatever. He was encouraging my creativity.” 

“You are such a weird child,” Tony shakes his head. 

{cut}

The plates are back. 

“I really hope it doesn’t get much worse,” Peter sighs. “But I’m pretty sure it’s only going down from toothpaste and dirt, seeing as how those two were pretty tame.” 

“Those were  _ tame _ ?” Tony exclaims. “How bad do you think this is going to get?” 

“I dunno,” Peter shrugs. “Maybe they find a way to give us poop. Maybe they put steamed broccoli on one and give it to you.” 

Tony was about to lift the cover off his plate, but he drops his hand and turns to dramatically glare at Peter. 

“Really?” he asks. “Really? You’re seriously going to bring back the broccoli? I thought we’d moved past this.” 

“Oh, Mr. Stark,” Peter grins. “That’s never going away. For any of you that don’t know…” 

Peter makes a wild gesture. 

{cut}

_ "Alright, Mr. Stark, your turn."  _

_ Tony rolls his eyes, before gingerly extracting a piece of paper. "Seven," he announces.  _

_ Peter glances through a few bags, and plops a bag with the number 7 on it in front of Tony. "There you go!"  _

_ "Thanks," Tony rolls his eyes again. He opens the top of the bag, glances inside, and immediately closes it again. "No way. Absolutely not."  _

_ Clint is laughing again.  _

_ "Come on, Mr. Stark, what is it?" Peter asks.  _

_ Tony opens the bag and tips it upside down. A bowl falls onto its head, along with a few pieces of steamed broccoli.  _

_ "There is no possible way I am eating that," Tony warns Peter. _

_ "Then you'd better hope you get wear it!" Peter says cheerfully, opening his phone. "Hey Siri, one or two?"  _

_ "One," Siri responds.  _

_ "No." Tony folds his arms stubbornly. "I am not eating that."  _

_ "Mr. Stark, come on..."  _

_ "No!"  _

_ {cut} _

_ Tony is no longer sitting beside Peter. Instead, the camera faintly picks up on his voice outside of frame, but can't make out what he's saying. A soothing, female voice interjects sometimes, only to be overridden by Tony's angry tone. _

_ "So," Peter says, looking at the camera. "Mr. Stark has decided he's going to act like a toddler and throw a fit about his stupid broccoli, so we've got Pepper in here to try to get him to eat it. It's... not going great."  _

{cut}

Tony gives Peter a questioning look. “What was that?” 

“What was what?” Peter asks, looking at Tony blankly. 

“Whatever you did with your arms,” Tony says. “When you flailed them around like a dying octopus. What were you doing.” 

“I dunno,” Peter shrugs. “I was transitioning into a clip from the eat it or wear it video we did. That’s why I said ‘for those of you who don’t know.’ I’m showing them that time you threw a fit over broccoli.” 

Tony rolls his eyes. 

{cut}

“One, two, three!” Peter exclaims, and he and Tony both pull the covers off. 

Tony’s cupcake is covered in what looks to be normal icing, while Peter’s has a thick, dark substance on it. 

“What is that?” Peter asks. 

He and Tony both lean in close to smell it. 

“I dunno,” Tony shrugs, sitting back up and picking up his cupcake. “I’m pretty sure mine’s the good one, though, so have fun with whatever that is. I’m just going to enjoy my cupcake over here.” 

Peter carefully picks his cake up, and lifts it up to his mouth. He hesitates for a split second, before he just goes for it, and takes a giant bite out of the side of his cupcake. Immediately, his hands go to his mouth, which has obviously fallen open, and his eyes squeeze shut. 

“Oh my god,” he says, his voice muffled by the cupcake and his hands. “Oh my god, whatever that is, it’s  _ nasty _ !” 

Tony glances at him, and sets down his cupcake to pick up Peter’s. Peter leans over and spits out his mouthful into the bucket beside him. 

Tony picks a tiny piece of the substance off the cupcake with his pinky, and touches it to his tongue. 

“Oh…” he says, as realization dawns on his face. “That’s vegemite. That’s, like, the nastiest substance on the planet.” 

“What the **** is vegemite?” Peter says, giving his cupcake a disgusted look. 

“It’s Australian,” Tony says. “I don’t actually know what it is, but when I was a kid, my mom would make me eat a spoonful of it if I was in trouble. God, this video is bringing back childhood trauma.” 

{cut}

“I have no idea why anyone would eat vegemite on purpose,” Peter says, matter-of-factly, as he wipes his hands on a cloth. “I don’t know why it’s even made. It’s a waste of resources. That was seriously the nastiest thing I have ever eaten in my life, and I just ate a mouthful of dirt, and I once ate a handful of live worms. That was worse than either of those.” 

“I think you’re being a little dramatic,” Tony laughs lightly. “There’s no way that was worse than the worms.” 

“It was,” Peter insists. “It absolutely was. I’d eat worms again before I ate another speck of that ****. It was so bad. You just said it was your childhood punishment, what do you mean it’s not that bad?” 

Tony laughs again. 

{cut}

Peter and Tony both accept the plates that are being handed to them by someone off-camera, and set them on the counter in front of them. 

“Literally,” Peter says. “Nothing could be worse than the Vegemite. I’m ready for this, Mr. Stark, let’s go.” 

They lift the covers off their cupcakes. Both are covered in something white. 

“They look…” Peter says, squinting at the cupcakes. “They look… exactly the same?” 

“No,” Tony shakes his head. “Mine’s thicker, and stiffer. Yours is icing. Mine is… is this  _ shortening _ ?” 

“Shortening?” Peter asks. 

“Vegetable shortening,” Tony explains. “It’s used in some recipes, or to, like, grease pans before baking. It’s basically just… it’s really just fat, kid. Some kind of vegetable fat. It’s so gross.” 

“Oh.” Peter stares at Tony’s cupcake for a moment, before shrugging and picking up his. “Well, have fun with that, Mr. Stark. I’m just going to enjoy my normal, buttercream-frosted cupcake. You enjoy your lard-cake.” 

“Thanks,” Tony says sarcastically. “If I puke during this challenge, I blame you. And Barton.” 

“What?” Clint asks. “Natasha, Ned, and MJ all went with me to pick! And MJ is the one deciding who gets what!” 

“Well, that’s hardly, fair,” Tony says. “She hates me, and she’s best friends with Peter.” 

“So far, the only thing she’s done in my favor is not kill me with mint toothpaste,” Peter argues back. “I had to eat dirt and Vegemite. You’ve had to eat toothpaste and  _ vegetable shortening _ . I think, out of the two of us, she’s being crueller to me.” 

MJ is laughing behind the camera. 

“Just eat your cupcake,” Nat says. “Hurry up, I want to get to the next one.” 

“Oh no,” Tony says, as he picks up his cupcake. “That’s not a good sign. Well, here goes nothing.” 

Tony closes his eyes, and takes a bite out of the cupcake. He immediately turns and spits it out into the bucket beside him. 

“That was disgusting,” He says, gingerly setting the cupcake back on the plate and handing it to someone beside him, off camera. “Let’s just move on and get this challenge over with.” 

{cut}

The plates are returned to the table. Peter sighs. 

“Let’s just get this over with,” he says, taking the cover off his cupcake. “Oh,” he says, looking pleasantly surprised. “Mine looks normal.” 

“Would you all stop giving me the bad ones?” Tony complains, as he uncovers his. “Did you really give me ******* ketchup? On a  _ cupcake _ ?” 

“Maybe it won’t be so bad,” Peter shrugs, already biting his cupcake. “I mean, tomatoes are fruits, and lots of people put fruit on their cupcakes.” 

Slowly, Tony turns to give Peter an incredulous look. 

“Just because a tomato is scientifically classified as a fruit,” he says slowly. “Does not mean it’s going to taste good on a cupcake.” 

Peter shrugs, taking another bite out of his cupcake. “Well, it’s not going away until you try it, so you might as well get a move on.”

Tony gives him a dirty look, but picks up his cupcake and takes a bite. He chews slowly, contemplating, until he shrugs and swallows. “What do you know? It wasn’t that bad.” 

“See!” Peter exclaims triumphantly. “I told you so!” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony rolls his eyes. “Come on, Barton, give us the next one.” 

{cut}

Peter and Tony whip the covers off their plates at the same time. Both have pink frosting and white flecks on them, but the flecks look to be different in size, shape, and texture.

“What is that?” Peter asks, squinting suspiciously at his cupcake. “It’s not sprinkles like yours, so I guess I got the bad one.” 

Tony leans in close to Peter’s cupcake, studying it, until he suddenly gags slightly, and leans back. 

“Have fun with that one, kid,” he says, clapping Peter on the back. “That’s fingernails.” 

Peter stares at him, disbelieving, for a moment. After a beat of silence, he takes a close look at the flecks, and he, too, gags. 

“Oh, my god!” he exclaims. Clint, Nat, Ned, and MJ are all laughing behind the camera. “Oh, my god, I am not eating that! I don’t even know where they came from! I’m not eating fingernails, I’m not doing it.” 

“Well…” Tony says slowly around a mouthful of cupcake. Frosting lines his mouth. “It’s not going away until you try it, so might as well get a move on.” 

Peter glares at him. “Do not turn my words against me. Yours was ketchup, which is totally edible and not that bad. This is _fingernails_. From someone _unknown_. It’s completely different, and completely unfair!” 

Tony gives him a deadpan look. “Just take one bite, Peter, then you can spit it out and we can move on.” 

Peter stares at him for a moment, before he turns around and stares at his cupcake for a solid minute. Tony’s watching him, as he eats his own cake. Finally, Peter takes a deep breath, picks up the cupcake, takes a small bite, gags, and spits it out violently into his bucket. He immediately gulps water, before he gags again. 

“Oh my god,” he says, ignoring Tony’s laughter. “That was disgusting. I could, like,  _ feel _ them, poking my gums and cheek and ****. If any of you ever do something like that again, I will never talk to you again, as long as I live.” 

“Don’t be dramatic,” Tony rolls his eyes. “It’s over now, so we can move on. Next, please.” 

{cut}

Peter closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and lifts the cover off his cupcake. 

“Oh, thank god,” he breathes, as he takes in his chocolate cupcake with completely normal red icing. “Good luck with whatever **** is under that cover, Mr. Stark.” 

“Thanks,” Tony says drily, before he grabs the silver handle, and lifts. 

Peter snorts violently, and then starts laughing hysterically. Everyone behind the camera is laughing, too, as Tony stares, deadpan, at his chocolate cupcake with red icing, topped with a whole squid. 

“What the ****.” he deadpans. “What the actual ****. Where did you even find this? How the **** did you manage to get a  _ squid _ . A whole ******* squid.” 

“I have sources,” Natasha says simply. 

“What kind of sources, dealers of weird-*** seafood?” Tony demands. “I am allergic to seafood, you idiots! So is Peter! Neither of us can eat this!” 

“I thought you were just allergic to fish!” Clint exclaims indignantly. 

“A squid is a fish, dumb***!” Tony snaps. 

“Actually, they’re not,” Peter pipes up, wiping red icing off his chin. “Squids are cephalopods, which are marine animals, and are an invertebrate phylum that includes octopus and cuttlefish, but squids do not belong to the fish family.”

“Peter,” Tony sighs. “Why the **** do you know that.” 

Peter shrugs. “I like the ocean.” 

“Well, even if it’s not a fish, if it lives in the ocean, I’m allergic to it,” Tony shrugs, pushing his plate away. “So I am very sorry to disappoint, but I will not be eating that cupcake. Next.” 

Peter looks into the camera and shrugs. “I guess that’s fair. I’m not trying to kill him today, so… moving on, I guess.” 

“You’re not trying to kill me  _ today _ ?” Tony asks. “So when are you trying to kill me?” 

“If I told you, it would ruin the surprise.” 

{cut}

“Are you kidding me?” Tony rolls his eyes as he lifts the cover off his plate. On the plate is a vanilla cupcake with green icing, decorated with a large amount of steamed broccoli. 

Peter bursts out laughing. “I told you, Mr. Stark, that’s  _ never _ going to die!” 

“This is so stupid,” Tony snaps, taking a bite of the cupcake, spitting it out, and putting the cover back on the plate. “Just give me the next ******* cupcake.” 

“Mr. Stark, your language is going to cause me a lot of pain during editing,” Peter says, handing his plate to someone off-camera. “It’s really annoying to bleep out all the times you say ****.” 

“Excuse me, you just said ****,” Tony says indignantly. “Hypocrite.” 

{cut}

Peter lifts the cover off, and stares questioningly at his cupcake. “What is that? It looks like butter.” 

Tony picks up Peter’s cake and sniffs it. “Ew. That’s mayonnaise.” 

“Oh, cool,” Peter says, picking up the cupcake and taking a large bite. Tony stares at him as though he’s been personally offended. “Kind of weird on a cupcake, but still. Not bad.”

“Excuse you, what the ****,” Tony says, still appearing mortally offended. “You don’t just eat a cupcake that’s been frosted with mayo. Why the **** would you ever eat mayo in the first place.” 

“Because it’s good,” Peter says, now also looking offended. “Don’t come at me and my mayo, Mr. Stark. It won’t end well for you.” 

“Oh, yeah, Peter, I’m really afraid,” Tony mocks him. 

Peter rolls his eyes. “Just to make you squirm.” 

Looking deadpan into the camera, Peter takes the rest of the cupcake and crams the whole thing into his mouth. He then turns to Tony, stares him in the eyes, and swallows all of it whole. Tony looks horrified. 

{cut}

“Ugh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” Peter drops the cover onto the table and puts his head in his hand. On his plate is a cupcake topped with a mound of live worms. “Again with the worms. Why do I always have to eat live worms?” 

“You don’t have to eat them,” Tony says, taking a small bite out of his cupcake. “You can just spit them out, like a normal person. I am getting really sick of cupcakes.” 

“Oh, poor you,” Peter rolls his eyes. “And I can’t just spit them out. I ate them before, now I have to eat them every time they’re presented to me. Besides, it’s the last round, might as well go out with a bang.” 

Tony shrugs. “Your funeral.” 

Peter sighs, picks up the cupcake, and breaks a piece off the bottom. He then takes a single worm, places it on the piece of cupcake, and puts it in his mouth. He freezes for a second, gags, puts his fist in front of his mouth as he attempts to not puke, and then swallows. He’s silent for a moment, before he gasps, and opens his mouth to show that the worm is really gone. 

“I forgot how gross live worms are,” he shudders, taking a large drink of water. “Ugh. Gross.” 

{cut}

“Well, that’s it for the gross cupcake challenge,” Peter says, handing his worm-cake to MJ. “MJ’s going to take the rest of the worms back outside, for anyone wondering. If you liked this video, please like and subscribe to see more of… this. Have a fantastic day, don’t do this challenge, it probably won’t end well for you. Goodbye!” 

Tony laughs. 

{cut}

 

Comments:

Nelalila: This was disgusting and I loved it. Thanks for posting your amazing videos!

Lillix_luv: I can’t believe Tony Stark doesn’t like mayo. I’m… I’m so offended. 

Whatsawilltolive: I love that everyone keeps making fun of Tony for the broccoli. That’s going to live forever. 

DoritoGod: #Irondad

  
  



	16. Baby Stark Gender Reveal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short... I thought this video would probably have been kept short and sweet, so I didn't make the chapter very long.

The video opens to cursive letters curling across the screen. 

_Baby Stark Gender Reveal 2018_

The letters disappear. 

{cut}

The camera is close-up on a dessert table filled with Gold and blue cupcakes. The camera pans down the table to show lots more desserts and snacks in gold and blue, as well as balloons. It pans across the room, showing the team, Ned, and MJ, everyone wearing either gold or blue. 

{cut}

Tony is the only person in the frame. 

“So,” he says, grinning lightly. “It’s time for the gender reveal. Not even me and Pepper know what it is yet, so… it’s a surprise for everyone. We didn’t want to do the traditional pink and blue, so we each picked a color. Gold is for boy, blue is for girl. We told everyone to wear a color based on what they think it’s gonna be. So… let’s find out what everyone thinks?” 

{cut}

Everyone is lined up in front of the camera. In blue is Natasha, Wanda, Clint, Rhodey, Pepper, Ned, Bucky, and Steve. In gold is Sam, Vision, Thor, Bruce, Tony, MJ, Peter, Scott, and Happy. Chloe has a little blue bow on her head, and is being held by Peter. Lady has a gold bow, and is being held by MJ.

{cut}

“They’ve decided to go the boring route,” Peter whispers to the camera. “They’re popping a balloon, and confetti in the color of the gender is gonna fall out. I mean, they’re going traditional, so that’s cool, but still. I said Tony should have flown across New York and blown smoke out of his suit in the color, but no. They thought that would be too dramatic, and that they should just stick with the balloon. They’re about to pop it, so… let’s go find out if I’m gonna have a brother or a sister!” 

{cut}

Tony and Pepper are both standing beside a large black balloon covered in question marks, holding large needles.  

“We’re gonna count down!” Peter calls out. “Pop it when we get to zero. Ready?” 

Everyone joins in counting. 

“Three!”

“Two!” 

“One!” 

Tony and Pepper read up in unison and pop the balloon. Blue confetti rains down, and the team erupts into cheers. Tony and Pepper hug and kiss. Tony appears to be crying. Peter runs forward to hug them. The frame is covered in darkness, but sounds are still audible, and Tony’s voice can be heard. He’s definitely crying. 

“It’s a baby girl! We’re having a little girl!” 

{cut}

Cursive letters flow across the screen once more. 

_Get ready to meet Baby Stark, my little sister._

_June 2019_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course, you all already knew what was gonna happen, but still. It was a surprise for the Starks. And the team. And it was fun to write, even though I wrote it in, like, ten minutes.


	17. Halloween!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just... crack. I don't know where it came from, but... here you go! Enjoy some Halloween shenanigans in May! It fits with the story timeline, just not... the real world timeline.

The video opens to show Peter’s head as he hurries down a hallway. 

“Okay,” he says quietly, still running. “It is almost Hallween, and I don’t know if you guys know this, but Halloween is my  _ favorite _ holiday.  _ Ever _ . I mean, it’s the one day a year it’s socially acceptable to scare children, and even they won’t hate you for it!” 

{cut}

Peter is now walking slower down a different hallway. 

“Okay, so I was kidding when I said that,” he says sheepishly. “Mostly. I mean, it’s fun to scare people, sometimes, as long as it’s fun for everyone. But anyway, that’s not what this video is supposed to be about. I am on my way to conference room 13B for a meeting with the team, Ned, and MJ. Thor is off world right now, so he’s not going to be here, and Scott is hanging out with Cassie, but everyone else is here. Except for Mr. Stark; he’s not gonna be there. I have a plan for a fun, harmless prank on him that won’t hurt him in any way. Physically or emotionally. It’ll be funny. He’ll love it.” 

{cut}

Peter is still filming himself, but now he’s standing in front of a conference room. 

“Okay!” he exclaims, turning the camera around to show everyone sitting at a long, rectangular table. “I have gathered you all here today because I have a plan to prank Mr. Stark in a completely harmless, but still hilarious manner. As you all know, Halloween is coming up-”

“Are we gonna scare the **** out of him?” Clint asks eagerly, leaning forward. “Because if we are, I have a binder of ideas.” 

“No, Clint, we are not gonna scare the **** out of him,” Peter rolls his eyes. “We’re just going to confuse him. Who here already knows what they’re gonna be for Halloween?” 

No hands raised. 

“Really?” Peter shakes his head in disappointment. “Nobody has even a  _ single _ idea for a costume? This is important, people!” 

“What’s the point?” MJ asks. “We never do anything on Halloween.”

“She’s got a point,” Ned nods. “I mean, nobody we know is having a party or anything, and we’re too old to go Trick-or-Treating.” 

“False,” Peter declares, pointing at Ned. “First of all, you are never too old to go Trick-or-Treating. Secondly, as of two years ago, Stark Industries started holding a party of sorts on Halloween. Every employee, no matter how old, dresses up in costume and goes Trick-or-Treating around the tower. Usually, the team was the one handing out candy. However, this year, I have convinced Mr. Stark that it would be fun if  _ we _ all dressed up and went out as well. So, he’s paying teachers from my school to come hand out candy to a bunch of grown adults in costume, so we can go have fun.” 

“Okay…” Steve says slowly. “I really don’t see where this is going.” 

“Well,” Peter says. “The fact that none of you have any ideas works perfectly for my plan. We are all going to dress up as the same thing; Tony Stark himself.”

The room is silent for a moment. 

“What.” 

MJ is the first to speak, quickly followed by Pepper. 

“Peter, honey what are… what are you talking about?” 

Peter turns the camera around to face him again, and speaks directly into it. 

“They think I’ve lost my mind,” he says, grinning brightly. “They think I’m going crazy. Honestly, if I was going to go entirely crazy, it wouldn’t result in me dressing up as my adoptive father for Halloween.” 

“What if I don’t want to be Stark?” Bucky speaks up. 

Peter turns the camera around, and focuses on Bucky. 

“What do you want to be, then?” Peter asks. 

Bucky is silent for a moment, thinking, before his face breaks into a grin. 

“I,” he declares dramatically. “Am going to go as the one thing that will add even more confusion to this already chaotic situation. Stark is going to walk out on Halloween night and find himself faced with twelve versions of himself… and one Pepper Potts.” 

The room is silent for a split second as everyone takes in what he’s said, before it erupts into laughter. 

{cut}

“So,” Peter whispers, his face just a little too close to the camera. “It’s Halloween. We’ve all been planning how to pull this off. Pepper and Bucky have already gone shopping and found a dress, wig, and heels that will fit him. He looks ridiculous in them, by the way, but also, somehow… fabulous. The rest of us need suits and sunglasses. We’re drawing his beard on, because you can’t have a Tony Stark without his iconic beard. We found some wigs that resemble his hair close enough for Natasha, MJ, and Wanda. I am on my way to meet up with Ned and MJ, because we’re about to sneak into Tony’s room and get suits and sunglasses.”

{cut}

The screen is in black and white now, and is set up to look like an old security camera. We see half of Tony and Pepper’s room; the half with the door to the hallway, and the door to Tony’s closet. The footage is sped up slightly, and we see Peter, Ned, and MJ sneak into the room and into the closet. They’re out of sight for a moment, before they reemerge. Peter and Ned are holding stacks of suits. MJ has an armful of Tony’s iconic sunglasses. 

{cut}

“So,” Peter declares, angling the camera so we can see him, as well as Natasha, MJ, Steve, and Clint behind him, all wearing various suits from Tony’s closet. “We got the suits, obviously, and we leave in half an hour, so we’ve started getting ready. Bucky’s struggling to get the dress on, so Steve is in the bathroom with him, helping with that, but everyone else is here and in a suit. We’ve just got to get everyone’s hair looking right, and then MJ and Pepper are going to draw the beards on, because they’re the only people who could do it satisfactorily when we tested a few days ago. So… let’s get on with it!” 

{cut}

There’s a time-lapse of the team going around and helping each other get their hair looking right, and then they sit in a line, and MJ and Pepper go down it, painting the beards on. Everyone is clean-shaven for the night.

{cut}

“It’s time for Bucky’s big reveal!” Peter exclaims, his voice filled with laughter. “Ready, Buck?” 

“Ready,” Bucky says, and Peter turns the camera to show Bucky step out of the bathroom. 

He’s wearing a long, blue dress, with a deep v-neck and a low, scoop back. He’s wearing a ginger wig that falls down his back in soft curls, and Pepper has put on a full face of make-up. The fact that he hasn’t shaved makes the whole thing look ridiculous. 

“Yass!” Peter exclaims, moving the camera around to act like a paparazzi. “Work it, Bucky!” 

Bucky strikes a few ridiculous poses as the rest of the team laughs from behind the camera. 

“Peter?” 

The room goes silent when Tony calls Peter’s name. 

Peter looks panicked for a second, before calling back. “Yes?” 

“Are you guys about ready to go?” Tony asks, sounding like he’s standing right outside the door. “It starts in just a few minutes. And I want to see these amazing costumes you’ve all been going on about.” 

“What about yours?” Peter counters. “You’ve been going on and on about how I’m going to love your costume.” 

“Well, unlock the door and you can see,” Tony says. 

Peter glances behind him, before shrugging. “Alright. Friday, open the door.” 

The door clicks and swings open. Tony enters the room, his hair messy, wearing a t-shirt with a science pun on it, and a pair of slightly baggy jeans. Peter’s mouth drops, before he starts laughing. Tony stares around the room for a moment, looking completely baffled. 

“What is going on?” he finally asks. 

“We’re all in costume!” Peter says cheerfully. “Don’t you like them? We’re all you!” 

Tony looks at him for a moment. “Who’s he supposed to be, then?” he asks, pointing at Bucky. 

“Come on, now, Mr. Stark,” Peter shakes his head. “Don’t you recognize your own wife?” 

Tony stares at him. He stares some more. Finally, he breaks down into laughter. “Are you kidding me? There’s twelve of me, but only one Pepper? I don’t think Pepper could handle twelve of me.” 

“Oh, no,” Bucky shakes his head. “I only deal with  _ one _ of you.” 

He walks over to Steve and kisses him. Then Clint, Sam, and Rhodey start whooping and cat-calling. 

Tony rolls his eyes, still looking around the room. 

“ _ Happy _ ?” he exclaims. “Oh my god, Peter, how the hell did you get him to do this?” 

Peter shrugs. “I asked him nicely.” 

“Oh my  _ god _ .” 

{cut}

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Peter exclaims. He crouches down, angling the camera to show Lady and Chloe. Lady is wearing a blue collar with a diamond-shaped pendant on it. Chloe has a pink bow around her neck, and one on her head as well. 

“These two are coming with us, obviously,” Peter explains. “So we’ve got Lady, from Lady and the Tramp, and Marie, from the Aristocats! Sam said it was stupid to dress Lady like her namesake, but I think it’s cute, and so does everyone else, so. Lady will follow us on her own, but Chloe likes to wander off, so…” 

Peter holds up a small basket. “We got her a ride! This will be my trick-or-treat bag, so she’s just going to sit in there and guard the candy. You ready to go, Lady? Clo?” 

Lady barks excitedly. Peter picks Chloe up, and she immediately starts wriggling around as he maneuvers her into the basket. 

“Huh,” Peter says. “It doesn’t look like she wants to be in there. I’ll just go grab her a treat, and she’ll be fine. And then it’s time to go get some candy! I bet we freak my teachers out.” 

{cut}

“We’re back,” Peter announces, as he and the team leave the elevator into the common floor. “We’ve gone through the whole tower three times, and have enough candy to last us until next Halloween!” 

“Yeah, right,” Tony snorts, rolling his eyes. “If that lasts you past next week, I’ll be shocked, kid.” 

“Geez, Mr. Stark, you don’t have to expose me like this,” Peter grumbles, but he’s grinning. He turns back to the camera. “Well, we’re all going to go hang out, watch some spoopy movies, each some candy and pie and other junk food, and just have some Halloween fun! Thank you all so much for watching this video! Please join the Ironfam, like and subscribe if you want to see more of… this. That’s all for today! See you all later!” 

{cut}

 

Comments:

LessEmilyPlease: This is hilarious! Tony going as Peter while everyone else is him. Gold!

I’mJustTryingtoNotDie: Are Steve and Bucky together??? Why has that not been addressed? Absolute power couple!

SimplyRidiculous: Bucky as Pepper is Halloween costume goals. 

Bettybrant: I want to go trick-or-treating through Stark Tower!!!

DoritoGod: #Irondad


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